#629. Raising Dorks
Sep 30th by adminI don’t have any hard data on this, but I think that of all the major world religions, Christianity has the highest dork per capita ratio. Did I say that right? Is there a different metric we’re using to measure number of dorks that I should have referenced instead? Are we still rolling with the per capita ratio? It’s so hard to find good research on this topic.
But think about it, no one ever says, “You know who is cheesy? Muslims.” Rarely will you hear someone proclaim, “The Hindus are all uptight.” And when Buddhists are stereotyped they’re labeled as being “relaxed and peaceful.” Christianity though has a lockdown on dork status and you know what?
I love it.
I used to hate it. From the time I was in the seventh grade right up until I became 33 I railed against it. I did everything I could to prove to the world that I was not some cheesy Christian. I distanced myself from Christian culture as fast as I possibly could because it all felt so overwhelmingly dorky. But then something weird happened, something unexpected … my five year old tried to get into pop culture.
I’ve got nothing against the particular pop star my daughter suddenly became fascinated with but the transition from “I love the Wiggles” to “the Wiggles are for babies” was ridiculously fast. (In her defense, that Captain Feathersword who the Wiggles run with, scares me to death.) Up until that point I really hoped my daughter would grow up to be a cool kid. I wanted her to be part of the popular crowd at school and be considered hip. But when she started sweating pop stars and other little girls in our area started getting into teenage television shows, I had to pause.
Those things weren’t created for a 5 year old. The entertainment she wanted to watch was not written for a girl two years out of diapers. It’s got boyfriends and girlfriends and topics that are way out of her understanding as a little kid. And she might love it. She might sing all the songs and have a blast doing it and fit right in with all her friends. But if I encourage her to do that, if I push her toward that, I fast forward her through childhood. I speed her up from a 5 year to a 10 year old. And although I make about 47 dad mistakes a day, I have learned one secret about childhood:
You can fast forward childhood, but you can’t rewind it.
I wish I could but I can’t. Childhood only goes one direction and I want her to stay a little kid for as long as she can. There will be plenty of time later for her to think boys are cute and interesting. (Right now I’m pushing for “smelly and cootie laden.”)
Until then though, she’s not going to be hip. I’m going to raise a dork. Which is different from naïve, don’t misunderstand, she’s going to be like Matthew 10:16, shrewd as a snake and innocent as a dove. And if you’re making different decisions with your kids, please don’t hear this as an attack. I’m new to being a dad, am by no means a pro, don’t have all the answers and am really only writing about the two kids with my last name. Who will be dorks.
I hope I don’t help create one of these sheltered Christian girls that just goes insane when they get to college, but I promise you that I’m going to do everything I can to keep my kids young, out of the loop as far as the world goes and maybe even dorky. And when my oldest daughter yells at me when she’s 13 because she can’t go to a party with a bunch of boys, who I know are going to try to kiss her, I’ll show her this post. And she’s going to yell some more, but at least I’ll kind of look like I predicted the future, which is fun.
Comments
Im a freshman in college, raised dork style. I am excessively thankful that my parents raised me as a dork. I didnt always think this way. But now, when people all around me are complaining about their sunday morning hangovers and Im on my way to sunday morning service, Im very greatful for a dorky childhood.
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Depending on how your raise your daughter, starting NOW, you may not run into the “party” situation! My girls didn’t go to boy/girl parties, and I have a friend who calls me to get assurance that it’s OK that her daughter isn’t going. If it becomes fact early on, then it becomes a mute point.
I did “shelter” my oldest, who is now a Freshman at a Christian college (which just because it’s Christian doesn’t mean she’s not exposed to the world). I kept her out of several of the “sex ed” classes in middle school. Not out of ignorance, but because I was one of about 10 parents who actually wanted to know what their kids was learning about and watched the videos. By 7th grade, when it gets more technical, I was the ONLY parent asking to see what they were learning.
For sure I was concerned that I might be sheltering, but I knew my oldest. It didn’t go the same with my next daughter, who is now 16. I also didn’t let my girls go to PG-13 movies before they were 13-14 depending on the movie (which I watched) They also didn’t wear bikinis. It was easier to start that when they were younger than to start taking it away from them when they were preteens! No dating was established by 5th grade since many of their friends were starting to.
I now have 2 younger boys and we’re dealing with Transformers 2. They want to watch it because their friends have but I’m suffering through it right now so I can give them an informed reason why they can/can’t.
Teach our little ones now to be in the world but not of it.
I will now step down off of my soap box even tho I’ve only shared the tip of the iceburg.
More tips? [grins hopefully] I'm late to this party but seeing the need to start helping my 4-year-old embrace her inner geek.
Love the post someone made about wanting to be a cool 30 yo, not a cool HS. That is so true. I totally grew up as a dork extraordinaire! I was the home schooled 15 yo who wasn't allowed to watch a PG13 movie without asking her parents first, and yet I survived. And not only survived but thrived! I feel so blessed by my parents that my childhood was prolonged! I can remember being 10 and having a friend who told me that one of the reasons she enjoyed coming over to my ,was because she could still play dolls and dress-up and I would whole heartily join her, not make fun of her and call her a baby.
Keep up the good work to all the parents that are raising the next generation of dorks! While it may a struggle to get through some days, your kids will thank you for it later.
I was raised a dork, but once I hit middle school/high school for whatever reasons, my parents let go of the dork training. And honestly, I really wish they hadn't. I saw way too many things, experienced way too many things that I will NEVER be able to erase from my mind.
Keep your kids dorks. They'll thank you later.
Let me think… My 13 year old boy – computer nerd and completely ok about where he fits in the world. My 11 year old boy – sporty, social, strong willed and not afraid to be different. My 9 year old girl – exceptionally social, incredibly independent, fashion ranges between princess and grunge and more than enough attitude to be herself in any situation. Three very different kids – three dorks. I congratulate myself and pat myself on the back. Success!
This reminds me of a little girl who looked about 7 that I saw at the movie theater who told another girl that she wanted to see the next movie in the Twilight series because Jacob is so hot. And then she made some sort of growling noise. I vomitted a little bit in my mouth and then as she walked away I was tempted to grab her by the shoulder and ask her who told her that. Yeesh! I'm 19 and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even go near the other boys in my own class at school because they had cooties.
…. when I was her age of course.
You are a great dad. I was not raised in a Christian home and I didn't get saved until I was 32. I am almost 50 now. I am still reaping the harvest of my wild youth, and I wish with all my heart that I had been raised a Christian and a dork. You can show your daughters this post too when they want to do anything that you have deemed unacceptable. Build a mote and fill it with alligators. I cry everyday…
You can fast forward childhood, but can't rewind it. — I love this. So true. I'm with you.
idk if my parents intentionally raised me to be a dork, but i totally am one. i may not look like it (i look like an indie rocker chick, and i looked almost gothic in high school)
by MY choice, i listen to exclusively christian music…hardcore christian rock, mostly, but i have a soft spot in my heart for praise music
but i am SO dorky. it's not even funny. haha
don't get too dorky now, or your kids will get bullied.
Thank you for talking about this. Its appalling how many "Christian" parents have no problem allowing their kids to be interested in all that stuff.
Just a little encouragement…
My dad intimidated most guys away from me in highschool and put restrictions on dating that all my friends thought were ridiculous. And I yelled at him a lot(like your daughter inevitably will). But I'm 20 now. And I have no kids or icky diseases, no traumatizing overly emotionally invested breakup issues, and still have the best wedding present ever for one lucky fella.
(And I'm definitely a cool kid)
Now I actually thank my dad when I think to and have also decided that Lucky Fella should shave his head bald (like my dad) and intimidate any high school knuckle heads away from Future Daughter.
so yeah. It's worth it. Just try to survive the next 15 years…
Good post brother. Seriously dreading the day that my little girl stops being my little girl. I love her more than life itself, and it is great to hear another dad sharing the same thoughts. May my daughter be a dork forever!
Dorks and Nerds are kind of cool now. Have you noticed how many TV shows are about Dorks/Nerds?
As someone who was raised a dork I can say that your daughter probably won't thank you at the time but she certainly will in the future.
I didn't fit in with the other kids and spent a lot of time at home, but at the same time I didn't really want to fit in with them. I didn't want to spend all my time trying to get served in bars, stressing why this guy or that guy didn't like me, worrying about my weight, or worst of all pregnancy scares. Plus all that time with my family has made us tight. I did have friends. don't get me wrong, but none of them had christian backgrounds and it was like we were different species trying to relate!
By college I knew who I was and I knew how to respect myself. I have friends and relationships that reflect that and someday a guy is going to be very lucky to have me as his wife.
My two best friends now became christians after college and tell me how much they wish they'd had my parents. That way they wouldn't have got into the trouble that they did and they wouldn't have the regrets they have now.
I am one of those Dorky Christian girls that went insane going to college!!!!!!!! And I'm still alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, I've been down into emotional hell and psychotic a few times (no drugs)(no alcohol) (no relationships) I saw Jesus in a dream and everyone thinks I'm a bit weird. There's something wrong with her. She's weird. She's stupid. Yeah, she needs to be this or that or more like someone else or more mature or whatever!!!!!!But I don't care!!!!!!!!!!! I'm alive and I'm the most awesome dork!!!!!!!!!!A guilty dork sometimes, but hey, you are what you are. Thats all that you can be.
My daughter is 8 and we NEVER have let her watch HM or any of those type shows. Sometimes she wonders why she can't, but then we see the types of photo shoots that some of those girls do and I have the perfect opportunity to tell her that we knew she wouldn't end up being a good example and her choices aren't something we would want you to follow. Now when we see pictures of her or other stars like that, she says and agrees that she doesn't make good choices. I love it!
I distincly remember listening to these tapes in the car about being a Christian teenager in which the speaker admonished us, "Let's all be nerds for Jesus!" It's always stuck with me. I think I was.