#514. Christian End Zone Touchdown Celebrations.
Apr 3rd by Jon(Sport fans in the US are about to enter the Bermuda Triangle of sports. The NFL season is over. College Football won’t start for a few months. College Basketball is about to wrap up. Baseball is just in Spring Training. Granted the NBA playoff season is 22 weeks long, but only the last week matters. This is the sports dead zone. Fortunately, for all you fans out there, Bryan Allain is back with his hilarious approach to sports and faith. It’s great and it’s a perfect example of why guest posts are so fun. Here’s Bryan:)
Last year at Prayers For Blowouts I ran a video featuring the Head of NFL Officiating, Mike Periera. In the clip Periera explained that any time a football player scores a touchdown and then goes down to the ground to celebrate, he WILL be assessed a 15-yard Unsportsmanlike Conduct penalty. The ONLY exception, according to Pereira, was if a player went down to the ground to pray. This would not be penalized, he said, because “…I do not want to be struck by lightning.”
(Before we get to Christian end zone celebrations, I’ve got to ask something: why is it that whenever someone does something blasphemous or wrong, people joke around about God striking them with lightning? I’ve blogged about this before, but when was that precedent ever set? As far as I know, God never used lighting to kill someone in the Bible. A Great Flood? Check. Giant hole in the ground? Sure. But lightning? Zeus maybe, but not Jehovah. On top of that, why are we so afraid of lightning strikes anyway? They only kill about 80 people a year in the U.S. whereas horse-related injuries kill over 200 people a year. Maybe next time someone does something wrong, instead of saying “watch out for the lightning bolt!” we should say, “Ride ‘em cowboy!”)
Anyway, back to the end zone celebrations. Going down to one knee to pray is good, but you’ve got to admit it’s a little played out at this point. This is 2009 people, it’s time to step it up! As always, I am here to help. What follows is a guide to help you craft and execute a memorable Christian end-zone celebration, separated into 5 Tiers of awesomeness from Rookie to Hall of Fame.
ROOKIE TIER
Making the Crucifix:
For some, too Catholic. For others, too coordinated. It’s like playing connect the dots on your upper torso. How does it go again? Mouth, sternum, left nip, right nip? Bonus points if you finish it off by kissing a cross necklace.
Pointing to the Sky:
This is a great way to give praise to God for your achievement, but it can get confusing. Are you pointing to God or are you dedicating the touchdown to a recently deceased loved one? Or maybe you’re a fanatical bird watcher and a peregrine falcon just flew over the stadium with an albino field mouse in its talons. Now that would be something worth looking at.
Going to the Ground to Pray:
I appreciate the gesture, but what type of prayers are actually being offered up after a score? I have trouble concentrating during prayer if there are birds chirping too loud outside my window and you’re telling me someone surrounded by 50,000 cheering fans and a bunch of teammates slapping his helmet is going to get past “Dear God…”? Color me skeptical.
NOTE: Many athletes will combine all 3 of these by praying on one knee, then doing the crucifix and pointing to the sky. While it’s a nice combo move for sure, it still doesn’t get you out of the Rookie Tier.
VETERAN TIER
Reenact a Famous Bible Story:
There are many Bible stories that can be effectively acted out in 15 seconds or less. Adam biting the apple, David dancing wildly before the Lord, or Saul being blinded on the road to Damascus would all make for great mini-theater in the end zone. Just stay away from anything in The Song of Solomon if you’d like to avoid a suspension.
Take Communion in the End Zone:
You’ll get penalized for using props in your celebration, but remembering the life and death of Jesus’ is worth a 15-yard penalty, right? Bonus points if you can drink the grape juice through your helmet without getting any on your uniform.
Slay Your Teammates in the Spirit:
You’ll need a few teammates to join in on the fun, but won’t it be worth it when the power of God drops them to the ground? Bonus points if you have cheerleaders stand behind the players to catch them and lay them gently on the ground. Extra bonus points if you get referees to lay modesty cloths over the slain players’ midsections.
ALL-STAR TIER
Make a Dove Descend on You:
Having a dove descend onto your helmet after scoring a touchdown? Awesome. Dealing with angry reporters in your post-game press conference who think you’re trying to claim you are the son of God? Not so much. Proceed with caution on this one.
Force the TV Announcers to Speak in Tongues:
How great would it be if, following your touchdown on Monday Night Football, Tony Kornheiser tried to crack a joke and it came out sounding like gibberish to the millions of people watching? Answer: pretty great. Just don’t try this one when John Madden is in the booth. Most listeners won’t be able to tell the difference between his normal diction and an angelic tongue.
MVP TIER
Perform Healing on Injured Teammate:
Why not take a page out of Benny Hinn’s playbook and pray for an injured teammate after finding the end zone? Bonus points if the teammate is in street clothes and immediately runs to the locker room to get his uniform on after God has healed him through your prayer. You’ve not only helped your team by scoring, but you’ve supplemented the depth chart as well. MVP, indeed.
Turn the Football into a Swine:
Turn the pigskin back into a pig and you’re not only showing off the power of God, you’re also making a confusing statement against macro-evolution. Bonus points if the pig reenacts Mark 5 by running out of the stadium and hurling itself into the nearest body of water.
HALL OF FAME TIER
Being taken away like Enoch:
In the ultimate form of an end zone celebration, let God whisk you away to heaven as he did with Enoch long ago. The downside: you’ll never score another touchdown. The upside: Hey, you went out on top! And you’re in heaven now, which means no more two-a-days at training camp.
—
Whether you’re a die hard sports fan or sports hater, I’m curious: what do you think about end zone celebrations? Do you like it when athletes act like they’ve been there before, or do you enjoy seeing the wacky stuff players can come up with to celebrate a score?
And if you’ve got a creative way for a Christian to celebrate scoring a touchdown that I missed, we’d love to hear it…
(as always, you can find more of Bryan’s writing at his personal blog, Ramblings and Such, and at his sports/faith blog, Prayers For Blowouts.)
Comments
I love end zone celebrations. I was pretty upset when that rule got added. The point of the game is to entertain me. End zone celebrations are entertaining. I like them.
What about the, pull a Sharpie out of your sock, write a Bible verse on it, and toss it to a fan in the crowd?
I’ve never watched an American football game in my life but I definitely would if your Christian celebration ideas were going on!
They’d also have to do some Skittling of the crowd. Maybe they could use worship eagles to fly out carrying the Skittles and drop them over the crowd? (Jon’s ultimate dream…)
Maybe they could bust out some washing of feet too? Or get a bit of spontaneous C.S. Lewis quoting happening?
Great post, Bryan! Come back soon!
The true miracle would be people getting as excited about God as they are about football.
Taught this teens & children several times. Even used Hebrew words to show them how to praise God.
I'm not against football, just wished they would get that excited about God.
WV: punin
a continous pun
Why stop the celebrations? We watch football for entertainment, and that is part of the entertainment. Just as long as they are not taunting the other team, I am fine with pretty much whatever.
Bryan, as always, good to see you on SCL as well. Keep up the good writing.
Numbers 16:35 “And fire came out from the LORD and consumed the 250 men who were offering the incense.”
This is just after the ground opening up incident. Sounds kind of like lightening to me.
For the Hall of Fame tier: Assuming he really is buried in the end zone, you could raise Jimmie Hoffa from the dead.
Awesome post. I like the end zone celebrations, too, as long as they aren’t disprespectful to the other team. It’s fun to see what they come up with! I miss football season.
I was thinking… you mentioned the player being taken into heaven like Enoch as well as the whole dove thing, but what are other inconvenient ways Jehovah could respond to the player’s piety?
o Turning the Gatorade into grape juice. Or wine. There’s a surprise. “Usually the best Gatorade is served at the beginning of the game, but you have saved the best for the end.”
o Stopping the clock until they’re ahead. Yes, like for Joshua, God could stop the clock until victory was assured for the pious player’s side. Of course, this is assuming that the coach will have his arms held up by his assistant coaches the whole time.
o God sends a cloud to guide and obscure His team. Maybe, but ratings would plummet as Madden and company speculated what was happening behind the cloud instead of being able to see it. Way to rack up the points though. Pillar of fire? Awesome.
o Dropping a four-cornered cloth filled with all kinds of animal. Sure, Jews and Gentiles should all be led to the end zone, but cloven-hooved animals running all over the playing field would play merry heck with the grounds crew. Not to mention the problem of droppings.
o Angels appearing and ministering to the player. Might be nice, but will probably get a “too many men on the field” penalty. Then there’s that whole helmet rule. This could put you in a hole quickly.
o “THIS IS MY PLAYER, IN WHOM I AM WELL PLEASED. FANS SITTING IN SECTION 116, ROW K HAVE EACH WON A $25 KROGER GIFT CARD. KROGER, RIGHT STORE, RIGHT PRICE.”
Okay, that’s enough.
This was a touchdown on every level.
Loved the Communion in the end zone.
Don’t they baptize coaches with Gatorade anyway? Why not players? Or better yet, give alms to the poor – maybe donate a couple of touchdowns to the Lions!
I LOVE reenacting the Bible story – can totally picture T.O. or Ocho Cinco (who I kinda think are the same person) doing this one. Maybe one day, if we pray hard enough.
End zone celebrations are a lot like Christians. They’re not bad, you just have a handful of idiots giving them a bad name.
Here are a couple of holy end zone dances that would really strengthen my faith:
1. Confounding the language of the other team, so they cannot communicate with one another. It worked at the Tower of Babel.
2. Going Elisha on your hecklers and calling a bear to come out and devour them. That will teach those punk kids.
3. The greatest of miracles would be my beloved Lions scoring a touchdown and miraculously holding on to win a game. God would have to have His hand in on that.
2 Samuel 6:7 “The LORD’s anger burned against Uzzah because of his irreverent act; therefore God struck him down and he died there beside the ark of God.”
It always sounded to me like he got struck down by lightning because he touched the ark when only Levites were allowed to.
“Making the Crucifix:
For some, too Catholic. For others, too coordinated. It’s like playing connect the dots on your upper torso. How does it go again? Mouth, sternum, left nip, right nip? Bonus points if you finish it off by kissing a cross necklace.”
Forehead, heart, left shoulder, right shoulder. Forms the sign of the cross, and reminds us that we should love the Lord with our head, heart, and strength.
Though normally I would fall into the “too Catholic” category myself (since I actually am Catholic), I really don’t think jewelry of any sort, even Christian religious, should be worn during a game. Or do I over emphasize the danger of it snagging since it is worn under the uniform instead of over?
What are your thoughts on that, Bryan? Safety wise, I mean. Not whether or not it is “too Catholic”".
i totally think jon needs to perform a celebratory dance over the publication of his book:
*fade in to one hand dumping skittles into the other… a hand full of skittles cupped between two hands… he closes his eyes in an offering of glorious skittles/getting psyched up for his book tour…
pan out… body shot… in preacher position… then BAM.. he throws the skittles strait up in the air (A LA lebron the King James version) camera cuts to overhead shot of skittles aescending… then pan out to watch the skittles rain down upon his heavenly pointed, eyes closed, god embracing face… eyes open…
“Game time: God 1 Satan 0… The book tour”.
****
Jon i wann asee it! will take you 10 minutes to film.. aww yeah.. you know you want it
I know you’re mainly talking about football, but c’mon, I’m pretty sure it’s a sin to say This is the sports dead zone during March Madness!
Wow, couple of those were lightening strike worthy. I think the fear of being struck by lightening is because God hasn’t done that one yet. He is good about trying lots of different things so its about time for lightening to get the call.
He is fast and strong. He can break all over the place before hitting the target with pin point accuracy. Quite frankly all of us on the sidelines are wondering why he isn’t in the game already.
Yeah I totally answered your question with a sports analogy.
Fantastic post. And yes, this is the Bermuda Triangle time of sports … especially since I pretty much tanked on my bracket after the Sweet 16.
But in answer to Helen:
I really don’t think jewelry of any sort, even Christian religious, should be worn during a game. Or do I over emphasize the danger of it snagging since it is worn under the uniform instead of over?
This is why we don’t allow jewelry in high school sports — it’s a safety issue.
And only 4 months until the NFL pre-season starts!
If the worship eagle could pick up the player, who would then scatter skittles on the crowd… huh? huh?
Ride em cowboy!!
The dead zone for sports???? What about NASCAR? It is here to carry us through.
i have actually said thank you to the Lord for the NFL network. I don’t tell my 6 year old when football season ends. i need the quiet time. He is confused though when all of the sudden Randy Moss is playing for the Vikings again.
Like Laura said, NASCAR fills the void…heck, I think the void is actually when NASCAR isn’t running. Gotta love it when the season is basically 10 months long!
Back in the glory days of NASCAR, when the sport still resembled its moonshine-runnin’ good-ol-boy origins, before it got pasteurized, homogenized, and standardized into utter tedious boringness, one of its traditions was for the winner in Victory Lane to thank God, the fans, and the sponsors, generally in that order.
Haven’t heard much about God from the winners lately, though.
If you play for the Broncos, you could make the Horse start giving warnings a la Balaam’s Donkey.
If anyone makes fun of your celebration, you could have bears come and kill them. Bonus points if you’re actually playing the bears at the time. Even better, if you’re playing the lions, you could have them all lie down and close their mouths like Daniel…then you can run by and do the Enoch celebration.
Scratch that last one, the lions pretty much play like that anyway.
Oh, and everyone knows the Bermuda triangle of sports is the time just before and after the MLB all star game. Basketball and hockey have ended, baseball is struggling through the midseason, and football is still a month away, so you’re living on baseball and various X-games type sports and trying to avoid accidently watching a WNBA game, then the all star break hits and there’s 2 whole days with no major pro or college sport on. THAT is the Bermuda Triangle.
This was freaking hilarious. Brian Wilson had awesome suggestions. There’s no way I can come up with any better end zone celebrations, but I would like to point out (as a few have already done) that there is absolutely no foundation for calling this a “sports dead zone” as NHL playoffs are fast approaching! It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
The dead zone for sports???? What about NASCAR?
Yes well that rebuttle would be fine if NASCAR was indeed a real sport.
And wrestling. Don’t forget the sport of professional wrestling. We are blessed to have that in season all year long. Yaaaaaayyyyy!
easiest way to remember how to make the sign of the cross in the right order?
spectacles
testicles
watch
wallet
[that's totally from a movie.]
WV: redlies–MUCH worse than white lies.
That was absolutely amazing. The tiers just kept going up and up, and I said, ‘there are no more celebrations left!’ completely forgetting about old Enoch. That would just be ridiculous. How did Enoch even get taken away? Carried away by cherubs? Maybe he was actually struck by lightning!
thanks guys! you all had some great ideas as well. props to Brian Wilson for a great list, good call by Jewda on the Lions, and as for the safety of wearing jewelry during sports, i have no idea.
one time playing softball i slid into the third basemen’s knee so hard, my index finger dislocated at the second knuckle, broke through my skin, and ripped a hole in my batting glove. no joke. i’ve got a picture hidden online if y’all want to see it. haha.
Oh this is laugh out loud hilarious! I can just picture an NFL player acting out a Bible story in the inzone…that would be SO great!
thanks Marie!
also, i wanted to clarify. the picture is not of a bone portruding from my finger. that would be gross. it’s of my stitched up finger and the batting glove with the hole. (slightly less gross)
Getting the announcer to speak in tongues….that one OWNED me!!
Perhaps when they point to the sky they are pointing at the Worship Eagle!
Okay, I had to comment on this.
1. Lightning strikes? Maybe the raining fire from the sky like Sodom & Gomorrah.
2. The crucifix is a cross with Jesus nailed to it. It is an image that reminds us of the sacrifice God made on our behalf. The sign of the cross is the physical prayer which is used to remind believers that it is only through the cross that their hope is secured. Crucifix is a thing that is symbolic. Sign of the cross is a prayer made with the body.
Thank you.
I think I need to print this out for my husband. He’d love it.
What about acting out Sampson? The ‘other’ team could be the sweaty Philistines and the touchdown player could lean against the goal post and topple it onto the other team.
Of course I don’t know many football players who play with their eyes gouged out. Technicalities…
I love the end zone celebrations. And I’d like to see a player whip out some slim-line New Testaments and hand them out to the front row fans, a la the Gideons. Way better than high fives.
I think they are goofy if they’re done all the time. An occasional celebration on a big game is great but a guy like TO, come on….showoff
I love it! Especially the peregrine falcon part.
LOL a new fave!
VETERAN TIER
Worship music breaks out over the loud speaker and the one who scored begins to lead a praise. Bonus points if the team joins in. Mega bonus points if the whole stadium joins in.
Jumps up a tier if a harp is used.
Hi Nice Blog . I don’t really know a lot about Knee or art, but that’s just my 2 cents. Really great job though, Krudman! Keep up the good work!