Favorite Post #10. Not Knowing Which Meals to Pray Before
Mar 19th by JonYou don’t have to pray before you eat something that has nougat in it.
A lot of people don’t know that but if you look deep enough into the Old Testament you’ll find the Hebrew word for nougat which is “chonoug.” A lot of seminaries aren’t teaching that, which is a shame, a dang shame.
I’m kidding of course, but these are the kinds of conversations I have with my friends. Especially when it comes to praying before meals. That’s such a murky subject which is why I’ve created the “Stuff Christians Like Guide to Food Prayers.” Print it out and put it in your purse or wallet for the next time you have a question about proper food prayers.
SCL Guide to Food Prayers:
1. The Stand Up Rule
If you have to stand up while eating, you don’t have to pray. Regardless of what you are eating, standing up makes the food feel very light and insignificant. It’s impossible to cut anything while standing too. You end up just spearing chunks of fruit or meat awkwardly while trying to keep the plate from tipping over onto the carpet, further upsetting the hosts whose dog you just made urinate on the couch because you got it too excited at the Christmas Eve party. That just got personal, but trust me, no prayer required here. Use this easy rhyme to remember: “if you can’t sit, prayer forget it, if you have to stand, God understands.”
2. Wedding food
This rule actually works for any big event where one person prays for the whole room. Listen carefully to that person’s prayer. If it’s good, dig in. If it’s a little weak, you better double up and pray for yourself just to be sure. No offense to the other person, but it’s better safe than sorry. Plus, it makes you look extra holy which is never a bad thing if you’re single and trying to meet a bridesmaid.
3. Drive in
This actually depends on which fast food restaurant you go to. If you go to Chick-fil-A or In-n-Out you probably don’t have to pray because those are Christian restaurants and the holiness is applied like barbecue sauce to the food items. You’re covered. Taco Bell, Burger King and other restaurants are questionable. At the bare minimum, turn your back in the car while they use that bean and guacamole gun at Taco Bell and say a prayer. Chances are you’ll need it. (By the way, if you’re partaking in Taco Bell’s “Fourth Meal” or the food they feed you between dinner and breakfast, you better pray. Lots. You’ve just introduced a grilled, toasted, roasted, 17 layer, bean bandalero to your stomach at 2 in the morning.)
4. Progressive Dinner
A progressive dinner is where you travel with people from house to house having one course at each. The question is, where and when do you pray? Is it before the first house or at each house? Good question. I pray at the beginning and then at each house that serves something that might need a little God. When I used to be a bag boy at a grocery store we called it “spot mopping.” You didn’t mop the whole floor, just the few areas that needed it. Same thing applies here. If one house has a fresh mandarin spinach salad, hold the prayer. If the next one has some sort of homemade sausage that may or may not be squirrel, you better start praying.
5. Gas Station Snacks
Nougat? No prayer. Beef jerky? Depends. If you do regular jerky, no problem, you don’t have to pray. If you do that jerky, cheese marriage thing where there’s a tube of orange cheese spooning the jerky, you better pray. Or if the logo on the bag is a guy in overalls or a barrel with rope suspenders, you should pray.
6. Before or After Appetizers
The best way to get a waiter or waitress to come to your table is to start praying. They’ll materialize out of thin air like some sort of prayer interrupting phantoms. I suggest praying in the parking lot before you get in the restaurant. That way, you eliminate any possible chance of the staff trying to crash your prayer party.
7. Eating contests
I weigh about 160. A few years ago, a coworker challenged me to an eating contest at Fuddrucker’s, a hamburger joint. I accepted and ended up doing just fine in the “1lb throwdown.” I was able to stomach a one pound cheeseburger without a problem. But then he suggested we do a “2lb showdown.” Have you ever seen two pounds of meat on a plate? It was gross. It was like eating two 1lb meat Frisbees. I finished it, but ended up getting the meat sweats and eventually throwing up at work. I am dumb. If you ever find yourself in an eating contest, please pray. Constantly.
I hope today when you sit down for lunch or dinner you’ll consider these pearls of wisdom. I also hope that you won’t take this seriously and email me with comments like “how dare you tell people not to pray when they eat nougat. You heathen.”
(Thanks to Michael and his very cool family for this idea. Please send your ideas to theacuffs@yahoo.com)
Comments
Another question to ask is “who should pray?”
Should it be the ‘holiest’ person? the oldest? the highest in the church leadership/hierarchy?
What should the prayer consist of?
Does the longer the prayer and the more christianese that is used = a more holy prayer?
I find it awkward when i start eating and then someone starts praying.. as if to show that they are more holy than me…
Does it actually say anything in the Bible about praying before each meal?
I like the whole “judge the prayer and double down if necessary” thing. In Bible college one thing they didn’t really stress was the shear number of times you have to pray over food for big events. The senior pastor occasionally prays but since many of our food oriented events follow his preaching I usually get the go to for prayer.
I can be a little paranoid (read look over my should, can’t sit with my back to the room, watch way too many mystery movies …) so you have given me just one more thing to worry about. I figure the next time I get the go to for prayer will be the last because I’ll have this 3 hour long rambling prayer because I’m worried people are judging my prayer for holiness and debating on if they need to bless the food themselves because I didn’t do justice for the spaghetti sauce that may or may not have had a cup of wine added in the cooking process.
Word Verification: notyines
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Naughtiness will now be notyines.
Funny will become Funknee.
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Another question: Do we have to hold hands around the table to be super-duper holy/in Christian one-ness with each other?
HAHA Love it!!
this may be a repeat of my comment on this repeat post……if Jon can do it, so can I…..
If you are asked to pray over the food…..pray over the food, please, and not the entire world by name…..
my tummy is growling in protest over the casseroles getting colder…..
I’d like to comment on the hand-holding aspect of food prayer. You usually wash your hands before you sit at the table and have to hold hands with the person next to you. Did they wash their hands? Did they just get finished playing cow-pie frisbee or something? What if you get stuck next to the little runny-nosed kid with clammy hands. Yuck! Extra prayer required since you can’t just get up and go wash them again.
Ashley -
I’ve never thought of that before but now I will be thinking of that from here on out. That’s so true.
Jon
Ashley,
I was never a germaphobe till I started working retail sales. I went to the restroom oneday and this guy was in the stall for a while before I got there, and I was washing my hands when he came out and went straight for the door. I was a bit grossed out because it was sit down business and all but the worst part was a few minutes later I was selling him a water heater or something expensive and after the sell he wanted to shake my hand with his nasty unclean hand.
I forced myself to shake his hand then as soon as possible washed me hands with very hot water. After that I bought that no water disinfectant stuff and keep a small bottle in my pocket. Whenever I make physical contact I use it. I also use it before praying with people that are already sick so I don’t spread my germies to them and make them more sick.
You may not be able to get up to wash your hands but if you have your trusty little bottle of disinfectant you can do a quick clean under the table while making it seem you are being extra holy with the double down prayer.
Word Verification: brata
It has come to the attention of NBC that brother is no longer cool. From now on brother will be brata.
Stay tuned for more updates.
All time favorite post for me. You had me at nougat.
When eating in the car while driving (because I'm late for work from reading all these blog sites) I must pray with my eyes open for obvious reasons.
Does that still count?
Or is it even necessary.
(I'm referring to a breakfast burrito made from home- a real meal wrapped in a sack-not just snacking on m&ms.)
Pray when you feel gratitude & thankfullness for the food.
PS: Nick the Geek- TMI
WV: raladva
more than a girly-girl
What if you are eating your lunch at work in your office by yourself and the food is leftovers from lastnights dinner that was prayed over then, do you re-pray over it?
Blessings.
WV: shillowb = the name given to a very expensive silk body pillow. Those shillowbs are $1000.00 each.
I agree with Mo. If you were too busy to eat all day, you might be honestly saying “Thank you Lord, for this nougat!” Nothing wrong with that.
WV: San Cher
The name of the city named after Cher by people who think she is a saint.
I’m going to have this printed and laminated on a little card to keep in my wallet. Kind of like those cheat cards they make so you know how much to tip your waiter at a fancy restaurant.
Next time I’m with my church buddies and we’re all awkwardly standing around trying to figure out if we should pray for the chicken nuggets we got after church to eat while we watch The Amazing Race I’ll just pull out my little card and be the hero. I can’t wait!
At a restaurant, salads are excluded from “The Blessing”. They are healthy, so they dont need to be blessed. We save the prayer for before the entrees.
loved the Chick fil a reference…maybe you should have a follow up post on “how holy is your food”
Good point, I.H.S.– if we’re having leftovers and they’ve already been prayed over, do we pray again? I guess just in case they picked up a little “something extra” in the transition from table to refrigerator, another prayer couldn’t hurt.
And I will now never be able to be a hand-holder during prayer again..yet another joy stolen from my already meager life. Thanks, guys.
wv: persh. What the drunk guy stumbling through the restaurant apologizes for tripping over; “Shorry about your persh, lady”…
Fun-ny. Have you ever seen that Tim Hawkins bit on the nerve we have to ask God to bless some of the total junk we eat “to the nourishment of our bodies”? Funny, also. My husband is a very popular ‘blesser of food’ because of his appropriate brevity! God bless you as you finish up the book!
I remember from my college days a lady who spoke at our BSU on prayer and stragely enough, her comment echoes your post. The comment went something like, “I only pray before meals if I don’t trust the cook.”
Oh this is hilarious! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I love it!
Great post first time and this time! Thanks Jon!! What about energy bars when you are on your bike? One eye closed? What about gum? Only if you swallow it?
Praying for a meal really has little to do with whether or not people washed their hands, are a good cook, or if its left-overs. The purpose is recognizing that God always provides and that he is good to us. I forget all too often, but I do try to remember that I could be that guy in another country who can’t afford to feed himself, none-the-less his children.
WV: Fample: A combination of fairly and ample. “Because of the recession their thanksgiving dinner was fample but not as big as last year.”
My husband is always the designated prayer before meals because his prayers go like this “thank you for these friends and this food, amen.”
Also, we had this conversation with a friend before at a Mexican restaurant. Do we pray for the chips and salsa or just the main course? Then we moved onto at-home food. So we thought that if we prayed over the grocery store where we bought the food, we wouldn’t need to pray over the food. Then we took it to the next level and figured that if we pray over the phone book, we would never need to pray before any meal…
Hope this one is in the book! Big thumbs up!
This is a great post! Must be in the book.
I had a friend in college who used the rule that if it cost less than $1.50 you don’t have to pray for it.
Usually don’t pray before bread, but do pray before salad. Not sure why.
Hilarious! But what if you forget to pray? Can you pray in the middle of the meal? Between bites? While chewing even? Kind of heathen-like, I know… but it happens at our house all the time. After all, we were heathens for a long time.
spateria: what happens while trying to pray and eat at the same time
I have a simple rule: Don’t pray over food in public. I think it can easily turn into a form of pharisaism or legalism, or both.
Anon,
yep that is why Jesus never prayed over food publicly. Wouldn’t want to embrace legalism.
An additional post could focus on When to Pray with Extended Family Over for Holiday Meals….now that is hard to determine for us…and what is the right response when one of the family wants to put on a prayer shawl for the prayer and some of them are struggling with this as an awkward moment…
This is one of my all-time favorites, too!
)
I actually know people who will not take a sip of thier water at a meal until they have prayed for it. Personally, I am a main course girl, but to each their own, I suppose. Also, if you want to avoid the hand holding thing, you can just lift your hands up to God. Holy and sanitary.
@Me -
“Personally, I am a main course girl”
That’s a really funny way to say it.
Big fan of that
Jon
Is it true that God gives you gas if you fail to pray at the right meals?
Haha! This is great! My mother in law adds on to our meal prayers if she thinks the pray-er doesn’t do a sufficient job, or left something out. My mother is a hand-holder and Bonus: she squeezes at the end
I heard something funny while in missionary training.
A veteran missionary talked to us about behaviors which may appear odd to “outsiders.”
Someone told him Christians seem to like “talking to their food.”
If you think about it, bowing your head to the plate and talking really does make you look like you are sharing your thoughts with the pork chops you are about to eat.
this is great
Hmmm…lots of ‘food’ for thought here.
I’ve often wondered what people think when they see us praying over our food in public. I mean, do they know who we are praying to? It could be any god, as far as they are concerned.
If the real reason for praying over our meal is to be thankful for it, why do we have to bow our heads and close our eyes? Can’t we just offer a brief prayer in our minds?
I pray a lot, during the day; in the car, on the street, in the store even — but I don’t bow my head and close my eyes every time!
I sometimes question our motive for this food-blessing public prayer, and I am not sure it brings any benefit to us — or to the people who are watching us.
Sorry to be so serious, but I have thought about this one a lot. So glad, Jon, that you make us laugh about these things. Can’t wait to read your book!
wv: sattexte
Short for what Jon posts on his blog: satire text
Mo- I am laughing hysterically!!!
closed circuit to Nick the geek: TMI – ha ha ha!
That was a hilarious post, because we can all relate….
what do we do about this “pray before the meal” thing?
I wasn’t praying before my meals until I saw that dude in the movie “Bella” bow his head before a meal and then I thought, “now that’s truly a Christian testimony there.”
but I am constantly wavering in my decision to pray, when I eat alone, til I’m at something between a prayer and a pause……..
sigh……
Jesus, when he turned the five loaves and two fishes into the huge amount of food, thanked God and asked God to bless the food. That’s where we get that from.
Maybe we should do that only when we’re planning to turn small amounts of food into enough to feed thousands, though, not every time we eat. I don’t know.
“meat sweats” — excellent Friends reference! But it’s so true — whenever I had to take a glucose tolerance test during pregancy I would get the “sugar sweats” and then proceed to throw up. Sorry to be gross, but it’s true.
When I was a kid, I found a secret bathroom in the room used by the choir to put their robes on, before service started. (I could hide away for hours in there, if needed!)
This post is hilarious. I recently found your blog and LOVE it.
I hope Zondervan snatches you up!!!
I always like the college-cafeteria prayer. It goes like this: You get your food and find a table, with or without friends. Regardless of anything else going on at the table, you fold your hands, close your eyes, and bow your head. You hold this pose for 5-10 seconds (up to 15 if you have a lot of stamina, but you have to build up to this), then open your eyes and proceed with the meal as any normal person would. You get extra style points for mouthing the word amen at the end.
I had one of these moments this past weekend.
We were at Chuck E Cheese for my daughters birthday. (or as my daughter reverently calls it “Chuck E. Cheesus”) If you’ve ever been at Chuck E Cheese during a weekend, think about how loud 250screaming kids can be.
The pizza came and it was time to pray. But to give an audible prayer for these 12 four to six year olds, I would have to literally scream. What to do?
It was truly a moment of parental guilt. What would be the result of this failure to pray? How would this fail to pray effect my daughter? Would my daughter understand? Would the other Christian parents understand? Would God understand?
In the end, I decided that God did in fact understand, and that while there is something about giving a witness to the non-Christian parents and kids, through our prayer, screaming a prayer at the top of your lungs, did not seem much like witnessing.
Darren
I have heard it said… that saying grace for your food is not the time to catch up on your prayer life… So asking for the blessing or thanking God for the food should be short, sweet, sincere.
But sometimes it is funny to here some of the children’s saying grace… as well as some childish adults prayers…
“Good food, good meat, good God let’s eat”
One I learned to say… if i had already taken a bite or two and realized i should pray…
“Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and all that is within me” Amen. (this one is found in psalm 103