Favorite Post #1. Understanding how metrosexual your worship leader is.
Mar 29th by Jon(Wow, we already hit number 1 on the list and the book has been submitted to Zondervan. I don’t normally post on Sundays but I wanted to finish the list and start writing new ideas on Monday. I chose this one as my favorite because I thought it had some funny moments and it was really interesting to read the comments from different people that either scored themselves or scored the worship leaders at their church. Expect some fresh Stuff Christians Like tomorrow.)
There are really only two reasons I wanted to write this post:
1. The first post was just an appetizer.
I wrote about this subject a few months ago when 12 people were reading the site but I just barely touched on it. I didn’t do it justice and people have reminded me that there is more to be said on this pivotal subject. So this is like the Timbaland Remix.
2. No one has quantified this phenomenon
There are some things in life that are concrete and true. For instance, it is a fact that “You’re all I want for Christmas” by Mariah Carey and “Christmas in Hollis” by Run DMC are fantastic songs. No argument there. But when you tell someone about your church, there’s not a standard system to describe the degree of metrosexuality your worship leader possesses. Wouldn’t it be awesome to say, “You’ll love my church and the music. Our worship leader scored a 78 on the SCL Metro Test.”
Don’t answer that last question. It was rhetorical. As a service to churches around the world, here is an easy rating system by which to analyze to what degree your worship leader is a metrosexual.
1. Has a faux hawk hair style = +1
2. Has more product in his hair than your wife = +1
3. Has Rob Bell, black rimmed glasses = +1
4. They are not prescription, but just for effect = +2
5. Attends the Catalyst Conference = +3
6. Performs at the Catalyst Conference = +10
7. Owns Puma, Vans or Diesel sneakers = +2 per each pair
8. Wears jeans on stage = +1
9. Wears designer jeans on stage = +2
10. Wears Wrangler or Rustler jeans on stage = -3
11. Has a goatee = +2
12. Wears one of those Castro revolution looking hats = +2
13. Drinks coffee on stage = +1
14. Drinks some kind of coffee you did not know existed = +2
15. Brings a French Press on stage and makes his own coffee during service = +5
16. Has a handlebar mustache = -3
17. Good at Frisbee but hates getting all “sweaty” = +1
18. Has a haircut that covers one of his eyes while singing = +1
19. Owns a white belt = +2
20. Owns suspenders = -3
21. Wears a scarf with a t-shirt = +1
22. Wears a winter knit hat even in the summer = +2
23. You think he covered a My Chemical Romance song last week = +3
24. Drives an Audi or VW, silver of course = +2
25. Uses the words, “postmodern, relevant” or “emergent” nonstop = +2
26. Cringes a little when people say the “H word.” (Hymnal) = +3
27. Has ever said some form of the phrase, “That song is so 1990s” = +1
28. Owns a Grizzly Adams red and black flannel shirt = -2
29. Named his kid after a color or a number = +2
30. References Norwegian punk bands you’ve never heard of = +2
31. Wears a tie = -1
32. Wears a tie as a belt = +2
33. Looks as if he might exfoliate = +2
34. Has a man bag or European Carry All = +2
35. Brings said bag on stage with him = +2
36. Has a tattoo = +2
37. Has a visible tattoo = +4
38. Wife accompanies him on stage and plays tambourine = -4
39. Was formerly in a punk new wave band = +2
40. Knows the names of all the people on the scripted MTV show, “the Hills” = +3
41. Refuses to drink anything but Vitamin Water = +2
42. Your wife ever says, “he needs a barrette for his hair.” = +2
43. Has a nickname with “the” in it, as in “the edge,” = +2
44. Owns every Nooma video = +2
45. Has a soul patch = +3
46. Won’t play barefoot on stage until he gets a pedicure = +2
47. Refers to California as “the left coast” = +2
48. Currently subscribes to Dwell or Details magazine = +2
49. Owns a pair of lady jeans = +2
50. Twitters you from his iPhone = +2
51. His toddler dresses cooler than you = +2
52. He wears graphic t-shirts over button down, long sleeve shirts = +2
53. Ever says “we got a hot mic here” = -4
54. Shops at the Gap = 0
55. Shops at Urban Outfitters = +2
I scored one of the worship leaders at North Point and he did pretty well. At some point I will do a lady version, but for right now, I feel like a 55 item list of analyzing worship leaders is enough to earn me a new batch of “you are weird” emails, and at the end of the day, that’s all I can ask for.
What does your worship leader score?
To interpret the scores and know what they mean, check out the official score sheet.
Comments
At a church my husband and I used to attend, no matter what sermon he was giving, the Pastor would start crying. So it wasn’t the look, it was the fact that he was always crying….it became very distracting. Yes, Pastors are moved to tears once in awhile but at every service ever week?
Anyway, I talked to a friend and since he has become senior Pastor I guess he has done a 180 and the crying has stopped.
Is it a bad thing that I scored only negative points? “Worship” leading is not my forté.
Congrats on handing in the book, I shall continue to pray for you and it Sir
For other people like me that don’t know exactly what a Metrosexual is, Wikipedia says, “Metrosexual is a neologism of the 2000s generally applied to heterosexual men with a strong concern for their appearance, and/or whose lifestyles display attributes stereotypically attributed to gay men.” See more at (some of it kind of funny):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metrosexual
Worship leaders are just a unique breed! This post owns me. I love the ones with score sheets. We are in the process of recruiting a new worship leader — I’d like to have one that scores a 75 or above. Need something to shake up the benchwarmer….. I mean congregation.
Congrats on finishing the book. It feels great, doesn’t it? I like to celebrate with diet Sunkist and pink marshmallows, but that’s just me — party animal.
I need to get my husband out of the negative range! The Grizzly Adams shirt(a friend of mine calls it a “Paul Bunyan”) and Wrangler jeans killed him. (He’s so 1990′s…) So I humbly submit:
Leads worship at a church that meets at night because he “doesn’t do mornings”= +3
Can sing higher than his wife= +2
Whew. I feel better now. Or worse? I’m not sure….
I attend a small rural church. We don’t know what a worship leader is. We just hope that there is someone at services that can play the piano. Your post did make me smile.
An Arkies Musings
our worship pastor is a female… so i don’t think the quiz works quite the same
i love that this is your number one post…. it’s the first one i ever read on here and what caused me to become a subscriber….. kudos to you.
This was the first post on your site I ever read. Since then I have read nearly every single post. Keep up the good work. I can’t wait for some fresh SCL tomorrow! God bless!
Still a favorite—-and I had just successfully stopped mentally scoring our worship leaders from the last time you posted…..
My worship leader is about as un-metro as a man can get -BUT he did score +2 as his toddler dresses cooler than me!
wv: skyboni – zamboni of the future (and that’s their motto!)
you are HYSTERICAL.
i about choked when i read that one~ our kids are greyley & indigo. hahaha
i did the test for my husband and am pleased to say he's a 12. and most of those are my fault…i dress him and i helped in the naming of our babies.
if i hadn't gone through his closet and purged, i'm afraid to say he'd have a good amount of flannel. so..something HAD to be done.
with the hair product, he's on his own.
I am a worship leader, a “resident” at a big church with an uber-trendy mentor who scored way higher than me. I make fun of him, but I must admit that…
1. I own a pair of Vans (though they were only 20 bucks, so it was more like “sweet, cheap shoes!”). 1 point
2. I wear jeans on stage… I’ve even gotten Texan Metro and worn the khaki shorts and sandals that come off during the really deep moments, so I give myself one extra point for that. 2 points.
3. I have a rather nice goatee. 2 points.
4. I don’t drink coffee on stage in front of people, but I have drunk coffee onstage, and I do drink interesting coffees made with my french press during the week… I give myself 4 points total for those facts, and 1 more for having been a barista at a starbucks and an indie coffee shop.
5. We are covering Coldplay this week, and in the past I’ve done a Colbie Callait duet with a female friend, and the Timbaland/OneRepublic tune “Apologize”. 3 points.
6. I say “that’s so 90′s”. 1 point.
I get 14. I am Tomlin Curious. That’s about all I can hope for, having come to faith in a small town FBC.
This was fun!
WV: ressel- what my small town FBC pastors would want to do to me if they found out I sang secular songs onstage!
okay, i scored my worship pastor who would say he was NOT metrosexual at all and he scored a 32. That seems borderline to me!
This is THE post that got me hooked. Made me laugh until I cried. And, then I emailed it to every worship leader I knew.
I was one of the twelve readers who saw this post when you wrote it the first time. I visited the Hillsong London church on a visit to the UK this past January, and all I could think of was “how metrosexual is your worship leader?”. Let’s just say they scored a lot of points.
I like these posts but the one with Razzle Dazzle is my favorite. We use that slang when we say we’re gonna pray for someone. It’s awesome!
Concern for image over substance–that is what metrosexuality is. And that, I believe, is the complete opposite direction from where Jesus leads us.
I wish people would see that your making fun of “metrosexuality” is not in praise of it, but in critique of it. At least, I think that is what you think…
My husband scored a 12, which is pretty amazing for a guy who refused to put product in his hair even a year ago. I almost fell over laughing about the french press. He misplaced his and has been frantically searching for it for a week.
certainly a great post – but doesn’t score well for rural settings.
I couldn’t imagine what would be your number 1, I thought Superhero Pastors, GI Joe Bibles, and Leg Dropping would have been right up there. Especially the Leg Drop, since that was when Stacy From Louisville became a hit. Have you considered a fan top ten?
I really appreciate all your service for the Kingdom. Keep up the good work!
@ Jackie- We have a cryining minister too! It has become a joke to guess how long it’s going to take him to cry once he gets up on stage. Is it wrong to have that type of pool (gambling – GASP!)going in the middle of church???;-)
I wonder why more people don’t cringe at this characterization. The worship pastor that this funny description describes is out of touch. Since when are pricey coffees, designer jeans, and pedicures defensible budget items for any of us who represent the kingdom of God?
This is the kind of leader we want?
Are we laughing because we’re embarrassed, or because we think we’re so cute and “relevant”?
Are we pastors fellow sufferers with the poor and needy, or partakers of the phony, but oh so comfortable, good-life? I think we’re talking about the same kind of shameful behavior that Paul wrote to Timothy about, only now his instruction could apply to men as well.
My husband is a musician and has led worship off and on. I just wanted to say that I think he’s not really the glossy sort of metrosexual, yet I sat and read the ‘qualifications’ to him, and he scored sorta high. I think his look is a little more rocker (and he does wear those retro skinny ties sometimes and the black and red shirt, well, he just picked one up. Combine that with ‘lady jeans’ and Chucks, his tattoos and long hair falling over one eye. He didn’t really like that he scored so high on the metrosexual quiz! Hilarious!
after the tweet from @pwilson yesterday, I think you need to add “loofah confession.” Definitely a 3 pointer. This is my favorite post also. Glad it’s your #1. Can’t wait for your book!
You forgot another big category. The v-neck t-shirt.
I’m @ same church as “Laretha”. Our worship leader is definitely metrosexual. His kid is way cool, too. He’s got a good tennor voice- which is normal, but also does an awesom “Lary the cable guy”!
Love it. It’s perfect.
I never thought of myself as metrosexual, and I’ve never wanted to. Hence, it is a good thing I only scored 12 points with the potential for 15 (I’ve never covered a My Chemical Romance song in worship, but I’d like to).
This is so stupid. Why would you even post this? As if worship leaders werent criticized enough. And you make fun of emotional pastors too? Way to go “Body of Christ”!
I scored a lowly 2…clearly I need to be prepared to work harder, or hand in my ‘worship leader’ card. The jeans I wear on stage are flared though…does that help me?
This is a hilarious post…I love to get some intelligent Christian humor. thanks for a good laugh, and another great post that makes us rethink our lives from an outsider’s perspective.
I’m pretty certain I would receive a negative score on this scale…probably the reason God did not give me the skill to sing.
All this makes me so glad I go to a traditional church without all this nonsense. We had a separate service like this but gave it up.
Umm…GOSSIP…hello? Is anyone out there having the presence of mind to see this for what it is?
It’s so much fun to make fun of people isn’t it.
You see by putting them down or isolating people, we are then hoping to make ourselves bigger.
I think Louie Giglio said it best, (who by the way you completely described among 1000′s of other people who don’t actually lead worship…they just dress in the current fashion)…his words “I’m not going to be the guy who makes fun of a worship leader or a worship song”
He went on to make it clear this is dangerous ground your stepping on…and the Father is not a fan of His children stereotyping each other as you have done here.
Really…I want to know…whats your REAL point here?
What happened to you that during numerous worship times you took your eyes off Jesus and started looking at the guy on stage who you DONT know that well and thought you should judge his dress.
And trust me funny blog writer, he will never tell you how this really bothered him. Never.
In the other words of a book called “a tale of 3 kings” – you are throwing spears at worship leaders…all in the name of joking around and kidding and gettin readers and being so cool as you obviously are.
You also just made fun of a large majority of the HOMOsexual crowd in Atlanta and abroad. You picked on the hip-hop industry as well as a TON of athletes I know who dress to the current fashion.
I just really want to know why?
This kind of sterotyping and “making fun” of people is just an adult version of what happens in Highschool and middleschool and SCARS people for life as they battle insecurity and many other sad things because they got “called out” as you have so unashamedly done.
And i fully expect you to defend yourself and come up with some answer in your heart to justify it…but it’s wrong. It’s sin. It hurts the body of Christ and in the name of being funny is not encouraging or helpful in any way.
How in the world is making fun of the way a worship leader dresses and getting other people to join in and bash the style of their guy or girl on stage appropriate and Spirit inspired event?
And naming other people in this? It’s GOSSIP…just another form of talking about people.
The metrosexual music pastor sounds like my future husband..lol..
The reason this is funny is that we recognize ourselves in this picture.
This characature gets us to reflect on a serious question: What is up with us? What is it about the church (specifically, white, wealthy, and Evangelical) that we seem to have a type when it comes to those we choose to lead us in worship?
The joke is on the church, not on any individual.
omg. (am i allowed to say “omg” here?) i cannot stop laughing. i think i love you. but only in a completely appropriate way, of course. like, a grandmotherly way. with sidehugs.
This is great!!! I’m now a fan.
and @gossip is so funny – - dude you need to go see a counselor; if you can’t make fun of yourself then how in the heck can you make it through life… come on, loosen up; i don’t think the list is putting anyone down, just pointing out some commonalities to make people laugh.
If someone is that insecure about themselves, apparently they need to really spend some more time with our Father who loves us and designed us in such an incredible way; that words from people should never make us feel inferior.
i could DEFINITELY help you out on the ladies one.
i really feel that the more contrary comments here are rooted in an “outsiders” opinion. i mean, come on,… if you have a worship leader who fits any of these categories, chances are, they are perfectly aware of what they are wearing and how much junk is in their hair… making fun. no way!! finding fun in the creative expression of worship leaders? yes way! come on- guys… ever talk to a worship leader? their brains are full of ideas… they gotta come out somewhere, and stereotypically, that place is their appearance… ask one of them… i’m sure they are humored by this… because any man who puts product in his hair or wears a pair of girly pants understands the risk he is taking… how about a little love for that? a little appreciation for the creativity God has put inside of them??… just some thoughts…
Kam
I don’t know if my comments are the kind you think would come from “outsiders” but, if they are, you’d be wrong.
My church’s worship pastor is one of the most theologically minded people at church. He’s always up for a deep conversation (sometimes you have to prime the pump with a good NOOMA video or two
. He, along with his kelly-green-bass-playing wife (the bass is green, not his wife) are two of my favorite friends at church.
He’s been on a John Mark McMillan kick lately. Try selling that to your congregation. That takes some guts.
He’s a lot more indie rocker than metro. That’s probably because of his family heritage of religious persecution and exile, maintaining pacifist theology in the “bible belt” of our state, and the fact that he can’t afford pedicures and designer jeans on the $2K/month we can afford to pay him. Did I mention that he has four kids, and that he and his wife a both full-time students?
All the same, there’s a lot in this thread to take an honest look at.
A friend of mine did his doctoral dissertation on Narcissistic Personality Disorder in Christian worship leaders. He is a worship leader himself, and has found that this is a real problem that the church should pay attention to.
I just did this for our leader and came up with a 69. That is insane and I never laughed so hard!!!
Amy-
that is awesome that your worship leader works hard for worship. that is an undeniably necessary trait in any worship leader. i definitely should have clarified, though. by ‘outsiders’ i simply meant those whose worship pastor was not this way… those who have worship pastors like you- who dont fit the stereotype or who dont fit this list of characteristics…
it sounds like you have an awesome worship pastor-playing john mark mcmillan? thats awesome. he sounds like a great man for dealing with the persecution he has dealt with and for working hard for his family. the thing is, you said it yourself– he doesn’t fit into these characteristics… so by my very own created definition, you are an ‘outsider’… if you had a worship leader like this, you would know it… and you would laugh… because its all true… (doesn’t make it a bad thing either way…)
This post is beautiful. (I’m only in a band, but come on…I can relate)(I don’t care what anyone says I’m not going to have a man purse) I really enjoyed this and it’s really funny.
Come on, it’s just enjoying some of the dichotomy in human nature, recognizing that even as we try to be different, that’s one of the things that makes us the same. It’s the heart that matters,whether or not we’re cool and know it, or we’re uncool and don’t know it. or we’re cool and can laugh at it at the same time. Everything in this world will be silly and irrelevant soon, anyway, that’s why it’s OK to enjoy it or laugh at it.
After reading some of the responses I think the next blog should be "very defensive Christians who don't have a sense of humour- how to spot one". I know I have grown up around a lot of them. Like someone else said, if we can't laugh at ourselves and say what is obvious- then how can we ever really be real. I don't mind being real, even if it offends some Christians. Most of the "Christian culture" doesn't really have anything to do with Christ anyways, and leaves me feeling slightly nautious. So I very much appreciate a little satire to keep me sane. Rock on
This is the first post I've read, and of course, I instantly subscribed. Two questions came to mind though:
1. What about the mandatory Aeropostale jewelry?
2. Is there a similar rating system for church planters?
Thanks for the smile!
wow, I feel so old. I scored a -1. The Wranglers and the fact that my wife plays percussion (when she's not rocking the guitar) killed me. I refuse to be "postmodern" or "emergent"…I love to rock the old hymns every once in a while.
I am happy to say that I am a worship leader and I scored 1 on this. That makes me feel very normal/manly.