#376. Falling in love on a mission trip.
Aug 14th by JonMy brother is a talented musician. His last band made it through their entire song at the Apollo Theater in Harlem, a venue notorious for having tough crowds that will boo musicians off the stage mid song. He once opened for Wilco. And he was forced to move to Nashville because, according to law, all musicians must spend at least one year in that city. (I made up that last part, but he does live in Nashville.)
He wrote one of my favorite songs while on a mission trip to Africa. It wasn’t about the people. It wasn’t about the culture. It was about something much bigger and more universally understood than that. It was about falling in love on a mission trip.
This happens a lot. We go away on a mission trip. We fall in love. We break up when we get back. Why does it happen? Why do we do this? Just so happens I have a few ideas:
1. Your relationship back home doesn’t stand a chance.
I once wrote that on a mission trip, “Your girlfriend is going to start seeing Mark, that awkward but kind of cute guy, in a whole new light. It’s a light called, ‘Look at Mark feed hungry children in Africa while my boyfriend plays Xbox back in Ohio.’ A girl responded by commenting, “I am going on a mission trip next month…and you just totally freaked my boyfriend out. I think he’s getting rid of his Xbox as I write this.” I love that response because it’s true. When you go on a mission trip with someone, you almost instantly eclipse the person they are dating back home. I don’t care how great they are, they’re not on the mission trip, helping people. Caring about people, being a servant of the Lord in a tangible, visible way. Doing things that aren’t selfish or self-centered. And come to think of it, my girlfriend and I don’t even like the same music. And I love that you like weird ethnic food too and helping people. Can you hold on for a minute, I need to go see if there is a phone in this village. I need to break up with someone.
2. Mission trips are an amazing backdrop.
The best line of my brother’s song, Moment Golden, was “I’ve never had my breath punched out by a sunset.” But there, over looking the Serengeti, he couldn’t help but be captivated by the way the dusted gold sun collapsed gracefully into the endless flatness of a wilderness that seemed to swallow everything he once thought was so important. (See you fell in love a little right there.) And then he met a girl who was on the trip too and against the backdrop of Africa, he started a relationship. Even if you go somewhere scary and dangerous, there is an emotional reaction stirred up that is powerful and easy to transfer to someone you are with.
3. You get this weird common language with people you go on mission trips with.
Ha, remember that time when we all hiked up that little river in the jungle and there was that crazy orange lizard? And for the rest of the trip, we called anything that was crazy an “orange lizard situation?” That was hilarious. And then that time Frank said, “bring your Bobbles to church” instead of “bring your Bibles?” That was so funny! Nobody gets those stories like you. Let’s fall in love on the last day of the trip and then break up when we get dropped off back at the church. I mission trip love you!
4. You get to see the real person on a mission trip.
Anyone can be nice and polite on a date to Chili’s. Anyone can open your car door and slide your chair out before you both eat baby back, baby back ribs. But when it’s 100 degrees in the sun and you’re sweaty and dirty and you have to perform one more Noah’s ark puppet show for the kids in the village, you’re going to be real. And seeing how someone really is, who they are in the tough situations and the easy situations is a pretty intoxicating thing.
5. The cliques disappear on a mission trip.
If your mission trip is to a rough neighborhood in your own city, cliques aren’t going to disappear. But when you go abroad, when you head out into the great unknown, especially if you are all wearing the same colored t-shirts, the walls between the cliques start to deteriorate. Goths talk with jocks (are we still saying jocks?) Nerds talk with popular girls. Everyone gets kind of mixed up in a really fun way. You secretly know that the cliques might come back on the plane ride home, but you don’t care. Everybody is the same for a little while. Everyone is a stranger in a strange land and that’s a unifying experience.
I don’t think it’s easy for a mission trip relationship to survive but I know it happens. I know a few folks that did find love in Africa or Dominica or where the streets have no name. It’s not impossible, but it is rare.
Comments
so amazing..
and so true
My Sister broke up with her boyfriend ON a mission trip. Really weird I know. He was one of my good friends and it nearly devastated him. Come to think of it…another good friend’s girlfriend broke up with him on a mission trip about 2 years ago. Maybe a short term mission trip is as much an escape hatch as it is a hookup heaven?
This post nearly broke my heart again.
My experience of this isn’t quite a mission trip, but it’s close enough.
And now here I am, praying for God to take her out of my head or just make something happen. What a fool I am.
mmm.. where can i sign up for one of these!
i traveled all summer with a mission team of guys and girls. 3 couples sprouted out of the deal, one girl got engaged to her bf back home while on the trip, 2 people broke up with there others (back home) and almost all are married now to someone. except me. weird, i know. i dont know how i got so lucky.
this is hilarious… and clearly.. poignant… we must go through some real life with people first… just to know, y’know?
~Did you forget the part about,
"whatta complete and utterly dreamy vision of natural beauty 'She' is without make-up, hairspray & blow-dryer-age" ???
Yes, 'Mission-Trip-Love' can be both 'lost' & 'found'.
~This also happens alot at Summer Camp, especially with Camp Counselors!
(in 15 yrs as a camp director I've witnessed 9 'Summer-Camp-Love' dating relationships that have turned into 'Happily-Married-Love'
relationships.
…it's happening this weekend at a camp near you…(Bet-On-It!!!) =]
BTW, I married my natural beauty 'Camp Sweet Heart' 16yrs ago…and still going strong…
…it happens!
~Lives are Changed at Camp
campman62.wordpress.com
inthelight-campman62.blogspot.com
As a missionary’s kid, we had a strict rule that relationships, as of arrival, are put on hold. It just creates a dynamic on the missions trip that is counterproductive, for the reason they are there. Moreso, we forbade them from falling in love, which is a funny thing to say. But we actually pulled people aside when it was obvious were staring starry-eyed at some person or another.
YES!!! I love this post. I am a missionary kid and daughter to some super sweet missionaries in Haiti you “e-know.” My mom introduced me to your site, I dig it.
I didn’t fall in love on a mission *trip* myself (since when you live here, it’s more of a permanent thing ….) but I met my fiance when *he* was here on a mission trip.
WOOT to international love!
I did a two month trip during college with a bunch of other college kids. During our intro session the guy in charge repeated “Missionaries don’t date!!!” and told us any couple he knew who broke that rule and did date never worked out. haha
He did say that he knew of a few that kept in contact via e-mail/phone after the trip that eventually ended up together- but not many. My partner for the trip ended up being one of those – - married with a baby and another on the way.
Back in the ooooold days it was summer camp love. One year the guy who seemed so nice and sweet turned into summer camp love stalker. Yikes.
My son just got back from a missions trip. Maybe I need to talk to him…
I’m going to be leaving for a missions trip next year that will last most of the summer and it’s really giving some guys around here some sweat!
My best friend told some prospective boyfriends:
“Dudes, you don’t have much of a chance now, and you REALLY won’t when she goes and spends six weeks away with some probably pretty buff guys that are going to be WAY more mature than y’all. In an exotic location doing hard work for most of the summer? Yeah, you have no chance.”
though this never happened to me, i think it’s totally great.
and no, we don’t say jocks anymore. at my college we call them ‘bros’ or ‘tribes.’ they all call each other bro, and usually have tribal tattoos.
My sister is coming back from a mission trip to Zambia, and one of the rules was specifically about this issue. The missionaries were told to “wait on falling in love” after they got back.
You know what I think you should do… start a line of ‘Stuff Christians Like’ greeting cards. Of which the first MUST have some poem about African sunsets and ends dramatically with “I mission trip love you!” Hilarious… if you don’t do it I will, or at the very least I’m making a t-shirt that says it.
What if you decided to work at Starbucks as a mission field, and then you fell in love with someone there? Could you merge the song about falling in love on a missions trip with “Falling in Love in a Coffee Shop”?
We had a mission team join us for a week. It gave us BIG problems when the girls started flirting with local youth. It just confirmed their impression of “western” girls being easy. It’s no joke when you’re on mission full-time and trying to portray Our Savior as the main purpose of our life. Keep any flirting within the teams please, don’t involve the locals, it’s just confirms what Hollywood portrays about the USA!
this is exactly why the organization i work for makes everyone sign a “romance contract”. yes, i make fun of the name… but committing before you go on the trip not to act on anything until after you’ve gotten home and thought about it there, too, makes a lot of sense.
Jenn,
There’s a song about falling in love with the guy at Starbucks. It’s called “Taylor the Latte Boy” by Kristin Chenoweth and it’s hilarious!
So, I’ve been a little slow at keeping up with your blog and just read this post. This made my husband and I laugh out loud. In 1997 we went on a college mission trip for a week. A total of 14 students went. Today, 8 of us are married to someone who was on that trip.
I went on my second mission trip, first one in Mexico back 15 years ago when I was in Bible School and Second one to Africa in 2007 – I will be going back to Kenya in June 2009. I love mission trips, because it changes your heart about everything. I believe if I get marry again, my husband will love mission trips too!
My older sister went on a mission trip abroad and fell in love. About a week into the trip my father got a phone call, “Dad, I’m engaged!” Yeah, way to go sis, tell your fiance to watch out for the metal baseball bat.J/k. But my Dad is pretty scary at moments like that.
Present: NOw I have a neice and nephew, and my bro-in-law is a childrens pastor neaarby! One of those cases where the realtionship does work!
I didn't realize that you were an Acuff. I teach in China and one of my teammates introduced me to your website some months ago. As I began to read this post, I tried to think of mission songs about love and I was thinking of a caedmon's call song. Then I saw "Moment Golden." My mom goes to CHBC and gave me that song. I like it, though I don't fully understand it.
"Run as fast as you can in the direction that the Lord is leading you, keeping your eyes on Him. As you run, if you notice someone running beside you in the same direction, take a good look. That just might be God's choice of a partner for you."
-taken from Scaling the Wall: Overcoming Obstacles to Missions Involvement by Kathy Hicks. (Great Missions Books)
Many people in Operation Mobilization have met their spouses 'on the field'. In our office, I can think of several:
1) American/German met in India;
2 American/American couples met in Jordan;
2) Dutch/American met on OM Ships;
3) American/German met at an OM Conference;
4) Australian/S.African met on OM Ships;
5) German/Australia met on OM Ships.
6) American/American met on summer outreach;
7) UK/UK met at an OM Conference;
9) American/S.African met in USA;
10) Canadian/American met at an OM Conference
and many more….
If you are looking for other great mission trips, try OM. (sometimes humorously called 'Operation Marriage')
oh my goodness….what a post! I spent 3 days on a mission trip in Sudan 'praying and fasting" if I were to keep my current relationship with my boyfriend back home. ( There was no love interest on the mission field) ….We broke up a year later.
Well done Jon, appreciate your posts!