#319. Doves
Jun 29th by Jon
One of my favorite things about doing this site is that I get to hear the most hilarious stories. Whether they are in a comment or emailed to me, the ideas you continue to send in are ridiculously fun. So when it came time for me to temporarily suspend my deep admiration for the worship eagle, and instead write about the other bird Christians love, I had to share this story from a reader:
I don’t know where to find any eagles, but a woman came to our church for the first time last year, found me after the service (I am the worship leader), and offered her doves for live ministry. She told me for many years she has been bringing her doves to churches and parties, as they are excellent visual aides of the Holy Spirit. When would the pastor next be teaching on something like that so she could bring them, she asked (remember, first time to our church ever). I deflected with “Ah, maybe one day in the children’s ministry. The children would love it…imagine if they were teaching on Noah’s ark, etc…) She was not having it. She wanted “big church.” Next week she came again with, yep, the doves! They didn’t make it into the service though. She just walked around with them showing anyone who would look at them. So, the “dove lady”, I am sure, is available if you just can’t find any eagles for church. She actually had a “business” card that she gave me.
There are several reasons I love that story:
1. The doves are too “Hollywood” for Sunday School.
It was “big church” or bust for this group of white winged wonders. There was no way they were going to play a Noah’s Ark Sunday School crowd. Please, what is this amateur hour?
2. Ravens continue to get a bum deal.
Before the dove that forever made doves famous was sent out by Noah, he released a raven. The raven promptly left and never came back. To this day, ravens get no respect. Can we blame the raven? I mean, as a bird, being cooped up on an ark with all your natural enemies for 40 days would have been tough. I like to imagine that raven like Tim Robbins Shawshank Redemption. When Noah let him loose he just spread his wings and never looked back.
3. There was a business card.
Is there any chance the business card for the dove ministry is printed on feathers they doves have dropped? Would that be awesome? I submit “yes.”
4. What do you name a dove ministry?
Here are three possible names that you can use for free if you would like: “Rain of feathers,” “the rebirth of coo,” (yes that’s a Miles Davis bird reference, I did it) and “This is what it sounds like when doves worship.” That last one is long but Prince would like it anyway.
5. The doves were brought to church.
Do you have to wear a special coat with little wooden posts for the doves to stand on? How many doves are we talking about here? Do even the doves feel a little silly about the whole thing? Do street pigeons laugh at those doves for “going soft?” So many questions.
If you have a dove ministry, please don’t take this post the wrong way. My little kids would flip out if they ever got to see you perform and I love when people use their creativity to serve God in unexpected ways. But please know, if me and my worship eagles ever get double booked at a church with your dove ministry, it’s going to be on like Donkey Kong.
Comments
Jon, that would be Tim Robbins in Shawshank Redemption.
Dan -
Tim and I are old friends, from the racquetball league. I call him “Roberts,” because we’re close like that, but if you feel that more people will know him by his stage name “Robbins” then I should probably edit the post.
Thanks
Jon
Does she have to stay in a strategically newspapered corner of the lobby, or does she have free reign to wander?
Poop on the carpet in our church would “fly”.
Oh, and ministry doves are sell outs.
Miles Davis? Miles Davis?? Why him? How about Charlie “Bird” Parker, album Ornithology, 1946?
pssssst! jon! Moses wasn’t on the ark. It was Noah. And ravens are considered unclean birds. He didn’t come back to the ark because he was embarassed of his own raven-stinkage.
In Hebrew “raven” actually means “poop feather”.
Donkey Kong. Grody to the max.
I highly appreciate the Miles Davis reference. It probably wasn’t Charlie Parker because smooth trumpet is more in the style of doves than squawking saxophone. (No offense to sax players. I would learn tenor if I had the time, the instrument, and the patience.)
In his “News from Lake Wobegone,” Garrison Keillor of Prairie Home Companion is always going on about Gospel Doves. Some ministry concepts are just naturally funny.
Wasn’t it Noah who let the Raven loose?
Wasn’t it Noah who let the Raven loose?
The bible says it “rained” 40 days and 40 nights, they were probably on the ark more like a year in the time it would take the waters to go down again. Nice post.
O4
When Moses set the raven free? Keeping us on our toes obviously
Name on the business card: Wings of White Ministries.
Clearly that was it.
Again, hilarious.
As the wife of a Children’s Pastor, I’m lovin’ it that he deflected the dove lady to the Children’s Ministry. This is a common pattern – They do that with singers who can’t carry a tune too. “Um…we really don’t need you right now in the main service, but I bet they would love to help you lead worship with the kids!!”
as a child, I only heard about four people in the bible, moses, noah, jonah and david. hence me name dropping moses instead of noah in this post.
That? Is supremely awesome.
And man, usually it takes people 3 months to consider thinking about getting involved, and another 6 to actually do it. This lady is on the ball! Or should I say dove?
Jon,
only four “moses, noah, jonah and david.”
I can relate, as a child I only learned about 5 people in the bible. let me introduce you to this other guy, his name is Jesus. He is like one of the lead characters. and really cool. I think you and He would be really good friends. maybe even play racquetball together with you and Tim.
^^^grins^^^
Jon you rock!
haha, we had a lady show up at our church with a parrot or parakeet on her shoulder. to this day she is known to all as “bird lady”. i thought we were the only ones…
–and you a PK.
find an eagle, dove and raven. have a monster ‘wings of death’ show. Then we’ll see who comes out on top…
i don’t care how peaceful those doves look…they’re still birds which means they have sharp beaks, scary looking little feet and the ability to projectile poop anywhere….the holy spirit that i know has none of the above qualities…
In my former home (SE Tennessee) it got to be almost expected that this one guy would bring “doves” to graveside funeral services. They were actually just homing pigeons, but they were mostly white, so they counted. The dove guy did this little presentation of the dead person’s soul (dove #1) uniting with the three persons of the trinity (doves #2,3,4) as they flew off together. One time I said, “so where are they all going?” and he said, “Oh, they’re going to Whitwell. They all go to Whitwell.” Or wherever it was. all doves go to Whitwell. Who knew.
Hey, Jon- how crazy that the day I visit your church (we are on vacation from our West Coast home) you use my dove story! Very “Kum By Yah” of you
We enjoyed the church and your children’s ministry is amazing!
Speaking of children’s ministry, Starr, in response to your comment, I didn’t offer children’s ministry as an option because I think lowly of chidren’s ministry or think of it as the arena for untalented people.( I need an emoticon right now and don’t have one…I am not feeling defensive. I come in peace
) I was merely trying to somehow respond to this dove lady, who quite frankly caught me off guard with her request and was actually very persistent and meant business. It’s just not a scenario I had ever put myself in 
(oh, and I am a “she”)
I’m pretending that makes sense. Did your parents bring you up as a Jewish child and then drop the big Jesus bomb when you were a teenager?
I think the appropriate response would be to hire some cheaper off-white doves and use them in the main service. I don’t think she would bother anyone again.
“Great idea! We found it cheaper though.”
Love the story!!
Funny thing about a dove ministry is that you can’t ever move. My parent’s bought a house about 10 years ago and it came with a dove ministry. Doves are homing pigeons and will always come back to the place they call home, so when the owners moved, they had to start over with new doves.
My parents never really did anything with the doves. We tried to use them for weddings and such, but letting doves free and throwing bird seed don’t really mix. They would usually sit on the telephone wires above the heads of the guests and aim directly for anyone wearing white. A number of them never came back.
We gradually saw the local pigeons and the doves intermix and we had many local spotted pigeons. Soon the pure white doves were no more, but we always had our share of spotted pigeons.
We never had business cards for the doves, but somehow the word DOVES fit into our home phone number 7-DOVES-7. (with a nice reference to God’s favorite number
When we took the doves to a wedding they had a special white cage and had to be washed beforehand.
Sometimes I look back on my childhood and thing, “Man, that was weird…”
Doves or not, I do not thing birds are the smartest of creatures. They have brains smaller than a lima bean. As I’m writing this, there’s a bird on my deck who is trying to pull up and eat a nail. And another bird just flew, wings spread, right into my window. SMACK! (ha, ha)I’m not sure how this relates, but I’m just saying, I don’t think we want to encourage any more stupidity than we already have in worship service. Aren’t Scary Elder and his googly-eyed, uptight wife enough?
Maybe her business was called: The Coo Coo Ministry
I don’t know, jon, all my husband and I can think of this morning, as I’m wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes (“it’s on like Donkey Kong”… beautiful man) is the time someone suggested at our church a ministry guy that traveled with snakes.
I would give SUCH a Love Offering to see this in a cage match up on our stage:
Worship Eagle
vs White Wings
vs Snakes Against Satan.
Thanks for the laughter my friend. You have no idea how I really needed it this morning!
Dude- holy molies this took the cake for me.
I am crying, crying, blinking away tears trying to continue reading, my body is shaking, I am laughing so hard. my family calls it belly laughing. This is ridiculous. At the Donkey Kong comment, I actually fell to my knees, holding onto the table, laaaughing like an idiot.
“You… light up myy liiiife..”
In the midst of some seriously craazy poop in my life right now, I can’t wait for my SCL post to be completely not heavy, yet still not meaningless. BLESSINGS on your CRAZY HEAD!! WE love it!
I went to a Catholic, all-girls high school, and our mascot was a dove. Imagine the fun we had preparing for pep rallies and making signs – Go Doves! Peck the opponents to death!
I avoid potluck dinners because you never know which dish your Church’s “Crazy Cat Lady” brought. And now I find out there are “Crazy Bird Ladies” too. You know she lets them roam freely in her house. How clean would her countertops be?!?!?!?
See, it’s the pooping that scares me here, people. Birds, generally speaking, are somewhat filthy. And they pretty much poop wherever and whenever they feel like it, some with malicious intent, if you feel me.
I therefore propose that the name of any and all “Dove Ministries” should be: Holy Crap
I do know you can rent doves to release at weddings. Makes for cool pictures, and it’s awesome watch them circle around a time or two to get oriented and then they fly home from whereever they are. (God is cool like that!) But in the midst of the awe and wonder, I’m always expecting one of them to poop on someone’s head.
You can rent a studio trained eagle from hollywood animals. The best part is that all the birds of prey are trained to “fly outside as well as on stage.” You can get all sorts of birds of prey.
Maybe you should get an eagle and a some evil bird and that lady’s doves, and then the evil bird can go for the doves and the eagle can fly around and defeat it just by being supremely excellent, and then the doves will fly in formation behind the eagle over the pastor’s head. Way cooler than intro bumper videos like they do at my church. People would come back.
I have two things to say:
1. Release the doves when the mime group with their black lights and white gloves are doing “I believe I can fly” (It will be like Church on acid)
2. Feed the birds, toppins a bag! toppins, toppins, toppins a baaaag lalala
ps. Jon, I emailed you for the book back like a month ago and no love, whatsupwiththat?
Oh, and I would totally name my Dove ministry “Far Above Ravens”.
YES!!! I will be laughing all night. Seriously…we have to meet….you are so funny! Keep posting cause Christians need to laugh more.
Tricia Knapp
Tobyhanna, PA
I have also experienced the funeral “doves” in SE Tennessee several times. Rumor has it that at one of the local cemetaries there are hawks that will occasionally chase the doves after they are relesed at a funeral service. It kind of ruins the intended symbolism of the moment.
“Feed the birds, tuppins a bag!”
Doves always remind me of the tv show “Touched by an Angel.” ugghhh like Precious Moments and Cotton Candy. Pardon me, I am about to be sick…
I just came across your blog recently and love it!!!
I like to "lurk" and read blogs (wishing I was as creative!
), but rarely comment. This post brought back some GREAT memories that I had to share about doves! 
This might be one of those "you kind-of had to have been there for" stories, but I'll do my best.
My grandma died when I was 13 and my aunt and grandpa insisted on having doves at her gravesite. When we opened up the cage the doves were to be just beautiful as they flew off into the sunset.
However, they dropped like rocks and would not fly away! My mom started to chuckle, which then gave my brothers and me permission to laugh… as well as a few others. My aunt went hysterical! She was so upset and angry that people would laugh! (My brothers and I thought that was even more funny, so we started laughing harder!)
My mom scooped up the doves and decided they were probably too young to fly away. We took them home and decided to "send" them off in our back yard.
That didn't go well either! We laughed so hard!
We later found a poof of white feathers in our backyard…cat? mountain lion? my brother's bbgun? We will never know.
~Tiff