#241. Awkward youth group rap.
May 20th by JonFew things strike terror into my heart quite like hearing a youth minister say, “yo, yo, mic check!” For although I love rap and will be doing an entry on Christian rap as soon as I can get my friend Lecrae to help me out, I find most youth group rap excruciating.
I think the main reason I don’t love it is that most of the words in the Christian vocabulary are really hard to rhyme. God, blood, Jesus, Holy Spirit, have you ever tried to rhyme any of those words? And don’t even try Ichthus, that thing is impossible.
Usually what happens is that your youth minister gets quiet on stage. He/She puts on a bandana or a trucker hat backwards and you start to get a little sweaty. Then, out of nowhere, you hear a Jay-Z song start playing and your youth minister says:
We doin’ big prayin, we bending knees (Check ‘em out now )
Big prayin
On K.N.E.E.’s
We doin’ big prayin’ up in NYC
It’s just that Jesus-man, Pray-C and H.O.L.Y.
(Check em out now)
You know I love ‘em, care ‘em, pray ‘em, share ‘em
Cause God really wants ‘em
Take ‘em out the streets
Tell them about God’s feats
But I don’t ever force em
First time they cuss I ain’t shushin’
Talking ’bout, there’s no rushin’
I’m patient in every sense of the word, switch
Better trust and believe him
He’s a God for every season
When I needed a plan
He held out his hand
Then it’s hey, hey, he understands
Let ‘em check out the verse in the Bible
Quote it often? I’m liable
More members than my man Bill Hybels
Just because you done sin
Think I won’t be your friend
Unless your perfect we won’t be kin?
Shoot, my hands are broken
Y’all wish that I was joken’
Been so deep, lost like sheep, hard to hear the times that he has spoken
But he threw me a party
Even though I was so tardy
My heart was cold as assassins, Mel Gibson made “the passion”
I’m a new man, I’m familiar with author Amy Tan
Let’s kick out of here like Jackie Chan
And let’s ST-R-I-I-I-IVE
Check ‘em out now
ST-R-I-I-I-IVE
Yeah
And let’s ST-R-I-I-I-IVE
Check em out now
ST-R-I-I-I-IVE
Yeah
I can’t be the first person to change the lyrics “big pimpin” to “big prayin.” But dang, did I just translate an entire verse of a Jay-Z song to horrible Christian rap and name drop Billy Hybels and Amy Tan (Author of the Joy Luck Club) along the way? I think I did. I think I did.
Welcome to Tuesday on SCL.
p.s. Clay from North Point actually did a great job a few weeks ago with his rap before service. I was surprised at his ability to flow.
Comments
If you’re down with my Jesus…..
Ain’t no party like a holy ghost party cause a holy ghost party don’t stop…..
A the memories
dude, THAT was awesome!
Toby Mac. And the Mac is back no slack. On this DC track that’s jacked.
I love this kind of stuff!
This may just join the ranks of my favorite blog posts of all time.
This reminds me of “performance chapel” during my college days (which totally deserves its own SCL post). We always had at least one person who would do a rap, and reading your “translation” of Big Pim… uh, Praying just gave me that same feeling I used to get watching those people on stage. You know, the awkward, chills up your neck, I-can’t-even-look-at-this-person-because-I-am-so-embarrassed-for-them feeling. This also applies to the girls who did interpretive dances.
timothy brindle is a christian rapper who actually does a pretty good job. he puts john piper audio clips to a beat, and his lyrics are pretty theological…
more so than t-bone’s “poppin caps in demons”.
-aaron
give a big shout hey
to our man prod j
Dude, that was awesome! Of course, I love to take songs and change the lyrics up…I used to work in the office of a railroad and I changed all the words to “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard” It was now “My Railcrew brings all the trains to the yard” erhm, yea…I am a nerd. I also changed the lyrics to “My Band” to fit railroading. Needless to say, it was a boring job…I thought everyone does this…
Thank you, “J Cuffie”!
This post was very carthartic for me.
“Hello, my name is Kathy, and I write bad song lyrics.”
Dude, at my church Christian rappers always had to throw in some reworked funk or R&B lyric from the 70s just to keep the older people interested and from totally dismissing Christian rap. You’ve heard nothing until you’ve heard someone rework a Parliament or George Clinton lyric:
“Make my praise the high praise. I want to lift Him up!”
“Why must I feel like that, why must I chase the world! Ain’t nothin’ but the sin in me!”
Yo, waive your hands in the air. And praise Him like you just don’t care. Cause if you down wit J-E-S-U-S somebody say OH YEAH!
I miss Vacation Bible School!
p.s. “Ain’t no high like the Most High, baby.”
- aaron
WOW! Just Wow. Get off the blog world and pick up a mic. You need to start touring. You are like the Weird Al Yankovic to the Christian world. I’d book you at my church.
Keep it real dog. I’m out!
PEACE!
I’m not gonna lie–I got a little sick to my stomach thinking about what this could have been life! Awkward!
Dude, I love Lacrae.
So…I must confess that in my circle of friends we once did a parody rap to “Who’s a ho?” and we made it “who’s a shepherd” and then instead of “shake your tailfeather” we did “shake your bible leather” – there was one strapped overalls and tin-foil crosses involved.
Oh, that reminds me. Have you heard of Canton Jones? He’s does rap, hip hop, R&B and I love it. He comes to the Basement occasionally.
His song Ringtone is my daughter’s favorite song right now.
And since we are on the subject of music, I have been loving Dave Barnes’ music since someone mentioned him in a comment on the post you did about Slow Dancing and Christian Music. He’s got some good songs and his videos on YouTube are hilarious. My favorite one is the one where he’s in Franklin, TN. I laughed so hard! Anyway, there I go again….
WOw…that was amazing…I have been reading your site daily for my morning laugh. But this deserved a shout out…although the mental picture you gave me about making it rain in the club was hysterical.
Yes, I do have a chinese tattoo…no I am not chinese
I choose to be anonymous because I am too lazy to create an account…just call me faithful reader who can’t wait to read your post about Carmen!
Where do you come up with this stuff??? b/c honestly i started to cry b/c i was laughing so hard!!!
oh and p.s. did you ever hear of the “rappin’ Rabbit”???
i received that tape when i was probably 10 or 11 and loved it!! then my younger brothers tore it up and burned it… those were good times!!!
PK from OK
yeah, Lecrae is awesome. his song Fanatic also lent itself to a good music video for me and my buddies, even though it was three teenage white guys rapping in very non-urban Seaside, Florida. If I’ve piqued your interest, check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqQ9KeHqLfc
Never trust a pitchfork and a smile! Satan in POI-SON!!!
You gotta admit that the “Baby got Book” video is pretty awesome.
man i just love that someone else has heard Lecrae. He roxorz my soxorz.
My bad. That should be Satan IS poison!
oh this was just fantastic…
a friend of mine came up with a full Christian version of “hey there Delilah”. it depicts the story of David, Bathsheba, and Uriah.
Hey there Uriah
Why don’t you go to the frontlines….
Have you copyrighted that rap yet? Cos i’d rather not have you chasing me with a lawsuit after I make millions off it
PK from OK
I did a “Missions Month Talent Show” performance to a Rappin Rabbit song when i was in Kindergarten.
Oh Yeah, I’m that gangsta…
“To all the people in this space
who’ve been touched by grace
allow me to place
these Biblical touches
in your clutches.
Whose only Son moved in the lives of everybody?
From the back of the club
to the courts of Pontius Pilate?
He’s in the back of the club with all his dudes behind him,
Mad question askin’
Bread passin’
Love blastin’
and He just can’t quit
But wait! One of these dudes is about to betray him
And Rome’ll flay Him
Keep his rez’ a secret, why not?
They don’t know what they ought,
’bout what God had wrought.
Now check it, they thought the Son was gone, that he was dead.
But believe me sweetie, He’s still enough to feed the needy.
Now there’s no need to be greedy
He’s got mad friends with Bendzes,
crazy truth-sayers,
intercessory pray-ers!
Hop in the Rover and come over,
Get to the church of Elohim,
We breakin’ bread at 9:15.
Because He loves it when you call his God “Papa”.
Throw your hands in the ayuh,
if you’s a true praya.
He loves it when you call his God “Papa”
…
‘cuz I see some people tonight who should be rollin’ with J.C. J.C.”
All apologies to Biggie Smalls.
Great post! I’ve got to stop reading your blog at work.
thanks T. Bradford Singleton!!! and yes i used to many !!! but i am so glad someone else knows what i am talking about when i say Rappin Rabbit…
I. B. G. T. D. I. Mom
I’ll be glad to do
PK from OK
Wow… I’m kind of ashamed that I once aped a Busta Rhymes hook for once of my first raps. So much so that I won’t tell you what it is. Because even though I’m pretty sure we only sold like 25 copies of our first album like six years ago, I’m just imagining someone popping up out of nowhere, right as I’m making fun of somebody for their terrible derivative choruses, saying “you’ve got a lot of nerve, Mr. BLAHBLAHBLACH” (see you thought I was gonna say it, huh… NOPE)
=)
oh and by the way, whoever mentioned Timothy Brindle, yeah, he is nice… so is my man Shai Linne. Now THAT dude is nice. He does this song “Justified” and breaks down the Pauline argument for justification by faith alone. Meaty stuff. And his flow is nice, too.
I think I read that in the whitest inward voice possible. And that is how it would sound if i were to attempt to rap.
LOL – I must have missed out. I don’t have youth group memories like this (Thank you God!).
Words that rhyme with ICHTHUS…
What’s the USE?
Let’s come to a TRUCE…??
God’s coming for YOU’S….?
Phatter than a MOOSE….?
Yeah, that is a hard one!
Your rap made me cry. I’m still trying to figure out if it’s from laughter or from the rap itself.
My pastor’s sons and some of their friends would rap “Jesus Loves me” it was pretty amazing, especially considering that they were white and their friends were Filipino/white. oh, and it was hilarious! I wish I had it on video… I bet someone does…
Wow, I haven’t laughed this hard since reading the Sacred Diaries of Adrian Plass.
Favourite line: ''Mel Gibson made ''The Passion'' ''
Completely unconnected to the text, and yet so conducive to youth group rap.
I loved it!
[youtube go4w5S8l1mE http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=go4w5S8l1mE youtube]
just sayin'
[...] anticipation of John’s Book Stuff Christians like I thought I would share a video that demonstrates why I hate rap and especially Christian rap, buy [...]
Anyone remember one of the first Christian rap groups… The Rap-Sures? Oh my…. Now I'll have to dig out that old cassette… LOL!
YES! I love that you have already covered this! My wife use to change lyrics to secular songs to make them Christian…it makes for additional problems when she is trying to remember the actual lyrics and gets them mixed up with her Christian lyrics. Also, she use to do this out of spite to songs she thought were anti-christian. Humorous because it is spiteful, also because it was songs like "Imagine" by John Lennon.
Check out Apologetix if you want some hilarious but awesome stuff. They take anybody and anything and rewrite the lyrics so they are Christian. It sounds corny- but they really are pretty decent and hilarious.
also KJ-52 is good rap…
My old youth group made this video http://www.vimeo.com/4949033
Enough said. lol.