#229. Margin or life balance or what $3 gets you.
May 15th by JonTime management is one of those go to subjects that most ministers try to touch on at least once a year. My minister calls it “margin,” a reference to the space on the edges of a piece of paper. It’s about finding room for life and family and rest amidst our busy schedules. And they are busy. In fact, here’s something I read once:
Harvard economist Juliet B. Schor, in her book The Overworked American, writes that “The average employed person is now on the job an additional 163 hours, or the equivalent of one month a year, compared to figures for 1969.”
Don’t speed passed the whackness of that research, let it marinate a minute. We work a month more now. That is uncool on so many different levels. I’m getting better at dealing with life balance and margin and all that, but I used to really suck at it.
I worked roughly 60 hours a week when I was writing advertising for The Home Depot. Couple that with a two hour commute each day and 70 hours a week I was somewhere decidedly not home. After a burnout that contributed to a severely damaged marriage, I determined to never let work steal more of my time than it deserved. The trick I realized is to establish your hours the first day you start at a company. If you come in as the 7-4 guy then that’s what everyone knows you as. It’s much harder to be a 7-7 guy for a few months and then decide you want a better quality of life and try to become 7-4.
A few months ago I wrote about what happened when I told my friend D that theory. He decided to try it out at his next job. He’s an accountant, and although the lines of 7-4 got a little blurred during tax season, he held strong to keeping his true time commitment at home instead of at work. The result was fairly expensive.
In his first annual review, his manager told him that they were happy with his performance except for one thing, his time management. While everyone else at the company had spent 60+ hours of work at the office during the busy season, D had spent about 50.
The cost of that time difference was going to be reflected in his annual bonus. The bonus had been reduced by $2,000 to reflect D’s decision to work less.
I got a call a few minutes after that conversation. D seemed pretty content with everything. He would have liked the money. Being a Christian doesn’t make you immune to the woos of the world, but he wasn’t swaying. He was still going to leave at 4:00 that day. And the next day after that. The reduction in bonus hadn’t changed that.
Every act of obedience has a cost associated with it, we just usually don’t look at it the right way. We focus on what we’ll be forced to give up. What we’ll miss as a result of our decision. For D that meant losing $2,000. For my other friend it meant ending a four year relationship. For me, it meant leaving Home Depot. But rarely do we take the time or the insight to dig into what we gain by obedience.
When D did, when he took off his filter of “more money equals more happiness” he was able to laugh at the loss of money. The reality is that after taxes, $2,000 only translates to about $1,500. And if he had only worked 10 more hours a week for an entire year he would have received that money. So the equation is simple, his company offered him $1,500 for 500 hours of his time or $3 per hour. But D decided that hanging out with his wife and child was worth $3 an hour. He decided that if someone offered to sell him 10 more hours a week with his family for only $30, he would buy it.
So he didn’t lose $2,000. He paid $3 an hour to get to know his kids during a period of their lives that is fleeting and fast. Would you make the same decision? Probably. I know some horrible dads but I’m not sure if any of them would say that time with their kids wasn’t worth $3.
This isn’t about what hours you keep at the office. Honestly, there are a lot of situations that require sacrifices where you working more is by no means an act of disobedience. I don’t know your situation and am not trying to establish that I’m a better dad because I work certain hours. That would be ridiculous.
What this is about is weighing the cost of the decisions we make. As you go through your day, you’ll be faced with your own unique decisions. They might make $2,000 seem small and pale in comparison. But look beyond the obvious. Please take the time to think about what you’ll be gaining. Find out if what you’re worried about is really a $3 decision. Don’t get intoxicated by what you’ll give up, but also consider what you might gain. Chances are, you’ll be surprised.
Comments
This is a great post! We have to decide what is important to us, and actions speak louder than words. What we give our attention to truly does rule us!
I love this post…mostly because I take off at 4 pm every day for the same reason….there will come a day when the kids don’t want my attention, but that day has not come yet!
Awesome insight, Jon…keep it up!
Well said. Breaking it down to how much money an hour he made was genius; looking at the lump sum, it looks like a large amount (at least to this Seminarian!), but making it $3 an hour… I wouldn’t work a job for $3 an hour!
Looking on the positive is a huge thing, and can help in so many ways. This summer, both my wife and I were unemployed for almost three months. It was very hard- we ran out of money, and credit card debt was starting to pile up severely. We were out every day, applying at jobs, and even trying some of those internet jobs that offer you $50 for completing surveys. Nothing seemed to work.
The entire time, we reminded ourselves: this is God telling us to rely on him. We don’t need anything more than him; if it means giving up X or Y, we still have Him.
(from Luke)
Great post. I’ve been the “7-4 guy” since my last job offered it to me. When I took a new job a few months ago, I stipulated it before accepting (“within reason”). I don’t think I could ever go back to non-flex-time.
I don’t have any kids yet, but wanted to get my identity and priorities established before that time comes. For too long, Americans especially have equated long hours with hard work, which is a false analogy.
Guess I better get back to work…
i couldn’t concentrate after you said the “woos of the world”
i’m five years old, i’m sorry
what a great post! i am relating to it on so many levels. thanks for the serious mixed in with the hilarious…
This is kind of funny…I’m somewhat reminded of the scene in Austin Powers where Dr. Evil tells everyone that he is holding the world hostage for 1 Million dollars and everyone kind of looks around at each other and starts laughing hysterically…yeah that was funny and I find myself laughing in the same way towards D’s employer!
Wonderful post, Jon! I find it difficult to understand people who say they can’t attend church because of their jobs. When I was in the work force I specifically made it known in the interviewing process that I would not be available to work on Wednesday nights or Sundays. I was never turned down a job because of this requirement on my part. I think that for the most part people respect your convictions. Of course, I haven’t been in the work force since my children were born (over 11 years now) so perhaps that respect has changed. I would certainly hope not.
Great insight!
I’m a software developer and this issue of life balance is exactly why I work for state government. I’m am required to work 40 hours exactly each week (no overtime allowed, a big departure from the usual programming gig). Most of my friends n the private sector work 60-70 hours a week and only make about 10%-20% more so I have a significantly higher hourly wage. Time is the only commodity that we cannot get more of. From the day you are born your life only gets shorter. I try my best to maximize time with my wife to the point that I don’t pay the bills, get on the internet, play some xbox, etc. until she’s asleep (I need 6 hours, she needs about 9). I don’t want a single day to go by and feel like a wasted opportunities to enjoy the company of the people I love the most.
That whole “we work a month more” business is no surprise to me. My boss is anal about me keeping track of my hours. She’s all, “I don’t want to keep you here longer than I should.” I’m like, Are you serious?! Do you know when the last time I worked only 40 hours a week was?! Try, never!
Wow, Andy Stanley needs to use that example next time he preaches on ‘margin’. If I were your friend I’d want my boss to see that little break down. Is that being petty? I couldn’t help but want him to know exactly what my ‘laziness’ cost me… teehee.
Way to go D!
His family and FIRST PRIORITY AND MINISTRY is worth more than $2,000. I know mine is and my bosses know it.
It’s ALL temporary! We spend so much time focusing on stuff in a world that is MEANINGLESS (said Solomon). Time for us to figure out what really matters.
i once was offered a job by a church..i told them i could work only when my kids were in school, i.e. 8:30 – 3 during the school year and not during the summer…..they decided they liked me better as a “go-to” volunteer……
As a manager, if one of my employees is working 60 or 70 hours a week on a regular basis, then I have to consider two possibilities: (1)if he or she cannot get their work done in 40-45 hours, they may be working inefficiently and/or wasting time; OR (2)I have assigned too much work to one person and need to find a way to get them some help, either by other employees (including myself) taking on some of the tasks, or hiring additional staff.
I am not impressed by an employee who thinks they need to work 50 or 60 or more hours in order to succeed. What does impress me is someone who works efficiently and effectively and is not afraid to ask for help when they need it. I am also impressed with those who are willing to pitch in to help a fellow employee and are willing to *occasionally* work extra hours to get a major project done.
But thinking they need to spend their lives at the office on a regular basis? Not impressive.
You speak of obedience? I can pick out 10 different places that suggest that we should obey our earthly master and work in Jesus’ name etc…
Where does it say to pick and choose where you’ll be excellent so you can feel good about yourself?
thanks.
thank you, thank you, thank you.
Scott -
Few thoughts on your comment, in numerical fashion:
1. Thanks for posting a comment. You didn’t have to do that and that you took the time to honestly share your thoughts is cool. I appreciate that.
2. I’d rather not play the “how many verses I can find that argue you need to prioritize your life vs. how many verses you can find that say the opposite” game. (That dynamic needs to be a post on this site) For me it comes down to what’s most important, which is loving God, loving others and loving ourself. If you feel that my story about D indicated he was violating one of these three ideas by choosing to be home more, by all means please elaborate.
3. I should have done a better job explaining my point. This was not about what is obedient and what is not, this was about the cost of decisions which is why I wrote: “This isn’t about what hours you keep at the office. Honestly, there are a lot of situations that require sacrifices where you working more is by no means an act of disobedience.”
4. I get a handful of less than favorable emails from folks but really didn’t see sharing a story of how my friend found a way to spend more time with his kids as a post that would upset people.
5. I didn’t mean to make it sound as if people that work long hours or make different decisions are evil or less than Christian or anything like that. That’s kind of the exact opposite of what this site is. So if you felt like I was attacking you in this post, my bad. Definitely not my intent.
Jon
My husband had a 7-7 job for about a year and a half after we moved to Colorado. We hated it. We had to shift our daughters schedule just so he could see her awake Monday-Friday. He seriously left before she woke up, and got home 15minutes before bedtime.
At one point he asked to leave a little early once a week to get te worship practice on time. A few weeks later he had a review and the concern was that he was not “on board” with the company’s philosophy. Needless to say he now works for another company and enjoys breakfast and dinner with his family each day. Well, no family dinner on worship practice night, but you get the point.
We would not trade our time together for anything. It is the best part of our day! Thanks for posting this!
I find it amazing that I continue to agree with everything you say in each post. How can that be? lol
perspective! i’m such an overachieving workaholic, so this is a very welcome insight. (but right now i CAN be, just cuz i have no one in my life need to come home to, but i wonder if i can change when i do…hmm).
This was awesome. And hey, my husband used to work as a Store Manager for HD. He worked 70-80 hrs a week too! They really won’t let you off with less.
I totally agree with the setting of the parameters at the beginning ie:7-4. He left HD for another job, we moved. He was “wooed” (hilarious word) by another company and his boss was all about “family time, work/life balance”. But, just needed some “extra” for “awhile”. What a joke. He’s back to the grind, though not quite as bad as HD. And his boss (a complete hypocrite) gets after him to work a bit more and show his “dedication”.
So, after all that, what I am basically saying is: This post is getting forwarded to my husband to help him see that his time is worth MORE. Infinitely more.
Thanks Jon.
Great post again Jon.
I think the key word used above is PERSPECTIVE.
I work about 40 mins from home (8am to 4pm), so I am home by 5 most nites. I would prefer a lesser salary anyday just so I can spend this time with my kids (2.5 y.o and 4 mths).
My kids are usually in bed for the nite by 7, so on a good weekday I get 2 Hours out of 24 with them, this hardly seems enough!!
Thank God for weekends!
C!
Thanks Jon for the thoughtful response to my grumpy short post (you do not offend),
I guess I believe that God engineers every situation (even the awful ones). And, it’s our job to glorify him in everything we do. The old saying that “one who loves Christ is either a missionary or works in a mission field” can be taken very seriously when you view your life as Christ centered.
Long hours are terrible, being away from your children is awful too; but, what is Christ asking you to do when you are away from the ones you love? What is Christ expecting you to do while in your “God engineered” mission field?
Thanks again for the thoughtful response. I’ve enjoyed praying about your post.
Scott -
Thanks for the response. I actually wrote about our conversation today because the idea of counting Bible verses is one I struggle with when trying to make a point to someone.
Jon
Cheat the church!
Jon, this is a post that every single working adult, Christian or otherwise should read. Thank you for standing up for some sense of what’s ethical and right in our work-obsessed culture. I don’t know where we developed this idea that it’s OK to work 50 hour weeks, but people are litterally giving their lives away to companies who have the nerve to take as much as then can from their employees time. I think you hit the nail on the head when you say that a person needs to make up in their mind that they won’t be that person. Most companies will take as much as you’re willing to give, and if you’re the guy who comes in for a few hours in the evening, nobody’s going to stop you. People have got to get this idea out of their head that a 40 hour work week isn’t enough. Can’t thank you enough for writing such a brilliant article on this backwards mentality that has permeated our culture.
Speaking of God engineering (from Scott’s comment above)… This is exactly what I needed to hear (read?). But first, thanks for the post. Your blog continually:
A) Amuses the snot out me (on occasion literally).
B) Clarifies much of my own discontent with the church and my own faith (the stuff you know isn’t quite right but you can’t pinpoint the source). Or something like that. I can only imagine how many folks out there read these posts and have the “OMG, That’s SO my church!” reaction. I know I do. Regularly.
C) Rocks.
I know that’s off topic of the post, but it wouldn’t really fit well anywhere else unless you wrote a post about Stuff People Glean From SCL. Back to why I’m commenting:
My situation has to do with church rather than my job, though. I made the decision about a month ago to step off the praise team band at my church which I helped create four years ago. I’ve been a Christian for only five. I first offered my wicked mad skillz (the z makes it tougher) to the group of guys singing to CD tracks every Sunday morning to at least get a “live” sound for the services. We found a sweet former death-metal drummer amongst us. He was on board too, thus a team was born. Musicians aren’t exactly bursting the seams of my smallish community church, so I’ve pretty much been playing lead guitar every Sunday save a few vacations for the last four years. Like many gullible eager-beaver new Christians, I got sucked into the volunteer trap and got myself over-involved in ministry and teams and committees, etc. My wife, who prayed every day for the first three years of our marriage for me to come to Christ, got what she wanted and now gets to sit in the pew by herself every Sunday, stay at home three nights a week with the kids because I have church meetings after our full time jobs. I let my “Christianity” drive a wedge into my marriage. I got saved and hit the ground running, leaving my wife and kids in the dust.
I say that that to say this: Next week is the last week of praise team for me. I’m feeling a little (read: LOT) guilty, scared, like I’m letting down the team, but at the same time convicted. My loss isn’t a $2000 bonus (I don’t get paid!) but I won’t be leading worship anymore, playing guitar every week, feeling like I’m deserting my team, feeling weird the first time in four years to sit in awkwardness as the team carries on without me, leaving me to see if I can still worship without a guitar in my hands. Music is my passion and my gift, and I’m honored to have had such a long run of it. I believe my calling is music ministry, but God is telling me, “Not now.” That’s a tough cookie to swallow. What I gain, though, is time with my wife and family. A chance to have a faith-life TOGETHER with my wife instead of me over here and her over there. Time to grow in OUR faith as a couple, not me taking off guns-blazing for the LORD and my wife un-praying my salvation. That alone is all the reason I need. I realized the decision had to be made a long time ago, but for some reason it was easier to let down my wife than a band, so I was a wuss and just kept putting the church before my wife. Don’t do that.
Sorry for the long-winded comment, but this really resonated with me. I have one more week of practice and service and I was starting to make excuses (maybe I’ll just take a month off and then go back…) This post came at the perfect time. God’s a great engineer (toot toot!).
Keep up the great posts, but not at the expense of your relationships!
Just thought I’d share. Holla!
I just broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years and it is a really difficult time for me. God really used your article (and specific mention of my situation) to remind me that I should be looking forward to what He has planned for me and trying not dwelling on what I miss.
Thank you.
I am a logician, and there were several things in your post that troubled me:
1) Your employer seems to be confused between overtime pay (based on hours) and bonus (based on contribution). Of course, an employer is free to do anything they want with bonuses.
2) You didn’t mention whether you are salaried (comp time for overtime) or hourly (overtime pay). Either way, that should be figured into your calculations. Plus, most states have laws regulating how much uncompensated overtime can be worked by salaried employees. Your employer may be violating laws.
3) The $1500 was for 10 hrs per week during the busy season, which is likely 3 months or less. So it actually works out to $12 or more per hour…
…which really doesn’t matter because your point is that time with your family is more valuable than money.
My point is that basing it at $3 leaves open the question, “Well, how much per hour would you want to work more?” It reminds me of that joke with the punch line “Well, Madam, we already know what you are. Now we’re just trying to establish the price.”
Oops. Replace references to “your employer” etc. with “D’s employer” etc.
BTW, I’ve been wandering through your blog, and am enjoying it enormously. You make some very perceptive points and amusing recommendations. Love the cotton candy church greeting.
This is by far, my favorite post yet, Jon.
The job i'm at right now allows me the liberty to make my own hours. I made my hours 9-5 with an hour and a half lunch break because i wanted to be sure i got into the habit now of making set hours. I don't want to be the kind of person that stays afterhours and takes away time from my future family. And i surely don't want to be the kind of mom that brings her work home with her. This article expressed all that and more.
I discovered you randomly because of a couple advertisements for your book in the magazine Christianity Today. My boyfriend and i laughed pretty heartily at the "leave room for the Holy Spirit" dance advertisement as well as the metrosexual worship leader. I went ahead and found the website…
and promptly made the possibly unwise decision to read through all of your posts. I started at post #1 and have made it this far in a couple weeks. Keep up the good work.
Maybe someday i'll actually catch up!
awesome post! so true! I chose not to take a job that started at 5 am (baking) that i would have loved to take and keep my office job (bookkeeping/hotel reservationist) so i could continue to get my kids off to school each morning. I thought i was giving up a $3000 a year raise, but I must have made the choice He wanted me to, because when i came to work 3 days later, my boss raised my salary by the same amount!