#198. Orange Drink
May 3rd by Jon
The Christian version of the food pyramid is different from the one most people know about. The one with grains and vegetables and meat on it. The Christian version only has four items on it:
Goldfish
Discount pizza
Bootleg cookies
Orange drink
If you live in the south you might substitute barbecue for pizza and sweet tea for orange drink, but this blog is international (Hello Australia) so let’s stick to the basics.
I’ve written about the first three before but it’s time to add orange drink to the SCL hall of fame. You might have had red drink instead but it doesn’t matter because they all taste the same. Orange drink is kind of a cross between gatorade, kool-aid, sunny delight and tang. It’s usually served up in a big vat of orange stickiness.
I think a good portion of my body is actually orange drink, not blood. I honestly drank that much growing up. But I retired in the middle of high school. I kicked the habit so to speak.
Here’s what happened: I went into the back room at youth group to get some napkins. There, out of sight from everyone, was one of the youth leaders making the orange drink. She didn’t know I was there. I watched as she unsuccessfully looked for a ladle or spoon to stir up the water and orange drink mix. When she couldn’t find one, she shrugged, rolled up her sleeve and then stuck her whole arm into the big tub. It was like one of those gatorade containers they dump on coaches that win football games. Only this was no game. She had her entire arm in there, almost up to her armpit. Slowly she stirred it around, using that sweaty appendage as a big spoon.
I ate my discount pizza that night without a drink.
@skothmann 
Comments
We have always had orange cordial at my church. Its quite funny.
I've been waiting for this post as I scroll through your blog (just found it 2 days ago). We referred to this as "Church juice." There were 3 kinds, they came in giant kool-aid style pouches. And no matter what church you went to they all had it, yet I have never seen it in store. Was there a special catalogue?
The red church juice was always watery. You knew if that was mixed at the church pot-luck you had to add your own sugar. The orange kind you never knew. If it was truly orange flavoured (or what they called orange flavoured) it was going to be thick and super strong. If it was the other orange one it was peach flavoured. That was my favourite. It wasn't super sweet and it had flavour. It was rare. I think in the box of flavours you got 45 of red, 50 of orange and only 5 of peach.
I think you are missing an integral part of the church food pyramid….the jello salad. Maybe somewhere there is actually a jello salad made with orange drink in it
HA HA HA HA!! I am SO guilty of that!
Our orange drink was pre-mixed in gallon jugs with no name brand on the label. When my BFF and I were 13ish, we got to help @ VBS for the first time instead of being "kids". One of our jobs was to pour the orange drink into styrofoam cups and we read the labels. Turns out the orange drink was carcinogenic in lab rats and studies on humans were inconclusive. To this day (half of our lives later) we joke about sending kids to heaven quicker with orange drink.
PS…I think they only serve water now. Someone on the VBS snack committee must have realized they were busted.
Oh man that would have broke me of the orange drink habit right away too. Ugh.
We have that at my youth group, except it's literally called Red Drink. I'm not sure which store the youth ministers buy it at, but it comes in a gallon jug and the label says "Red Drink."
Orange drink is delicious. Fun fact: it changed its name in 2005 to a drink called Vitamin Water.
Hate to say it but there have been multiple studies linking food coloring to behavioral and mental problems in children (and adults for that matter). I think it's a shame that it's church where we are supposed to be helping children where they get the most junk put into their system that harms them.
:-0 You forgot the coffee and donuts!!!! Seriously, how could you forget that?! If the church starts burning down, the coffee urn is what you run in to save! Don't cha know?