SCL

That when traveling with your in-laws, they don’t find it necessary to stop at every historical marker they see. Turning a two hour trip into four.

That we have at least 3 cds with Rawkfist on them so the baby is happy and that whomever falls asleep is not the one who drools and uses their siblings as pillows.

Hmmm… How about:
1. That you will be more pilgrim than tourist
2. That no drunk drivers veer your way
3. That you look at the people who wait on you, serve you, and provide you with places to stay with…appreciation?
4. That you be about the journey as much as the destination
5. That you wonder at the power of a thunderstorm
6. That people you encouner wonder, “what was different about that person…”
7. That you are not in such a hurry that you overlook someone in need
8. That you are able to laugh at yourself

I nearly missed one:

That you won’t encounter a man in only boots while trying to re-enter the freeway. In February.

Stacy, Hailey & Sawyer’s mom (6 & 4), your post was flippin hilarious.

Preschooler Traveling Mercies Athiest. Is that a new group on facebook?

“7. That you will not throw your flat tire with rim still attached over the siderail in the mountains of North Carolina because you are dumb and in college and named Jon Acuff.”

oh. oh. oh.!!!

The more I think on this, the funnier it gets. I can’t stop laughing. We need the rest of the story!

I’ve had a few trip that lacked mercy. Once, just west of St. Louis, an oil truck and a peanut truck collided. It took them two hours to clean up the spill, so we just sat in our car on the highway for two hours with thousands of others.

Too bad we didn’t bring bread.

Then there was the time the Beaumont, Texas airport closed down, so some guy volunteered to drive us all to Houston in his Suburban. 15 passengers squeezed in, I had the worst sunburn of my life, and two of the passengers yelled at each other all the way there because one of them had dropped the other’s suitcase while loading the truck. (They were strangers, but it didn’t stop them from yelling.) Glory be.

It can also be a “trip” to be re-routed to O’Hare during a snowstorm while you’re wearing your shorts and flip flops straight from the sunny beaches of southern Florida.

Really, we should be praying for traveling mercies.

I’m so guilty of this one!! Even worse, I think I use it because it sounds more hip than a more blatant Christian signature line like, “In his grip.” And I have lots of traveling friends to boot. And I’m really borrowing it from Anne Lamott. It’s like my euphamism for, “I’m that Christian that digs Anne Lamott.” Pray for me.

I’m single with *no* relatives under the age of 18 so I actually really like traveling. Even flying. It’s fun in a strange way…

But maybe I’m also paranoid, because when I became a Christian and first started hearing people pray for “traveling mercies,” I assumed it was like praying for people going into surgery… that they thought transporting your physical body across long distances greatly increases your chance of death or injury. I assumed we were praying that there would be no car or plane crashes. Consequently, I must confess, I always pray when my plane is taking off.

That sounds so much weirder now that I’ve typed it… !

12. that your youth-choir tour bus will not catch on fire 4 hours after leaving home, and that you’ll be stranded in the 100 degree sun for … four hours … waiting for a new bus.

That Carsten (while admirably controlling his legendary gag reflex) will remember to re-tell (for the gazillionth time, each time a tad bit more hilarious than the last) the mythic tale of peering into the clogged German plumbing with his mouth agape, just waiting to be filled.

(Also, speaking of Carsten, you need to correct the word “passed” in #6 about Carsten to the correct homonym for that situation, “past.”)

hey jon,

i saw your post on carsten’s facebook wall…and reading through the list i realized that i was present in #7…as a matter of fact, i do believe i had to do some instructing on how to fix a flat. although, i don’t believe my instructions included tossing a flat tire with the rim intact! but i guess another night at montreat anderson beats a day of classes anyways! hope you’re doing well!

That you won’t be driving in the winter with a car full of people, windows sealed shut, heat up to “blast furnace” temps…..and someone passes gas. Not pretty. I’ve lived to tell the tale.

#8! #8! The long, long saga of the “weird dream I had last night.” Loved the post.

That you won’t be dumb enough to take the cat(s) with you, and thus, won’t have to hear to CONSTANT meowing for two and a half hours until one or more cats voms in the front seat.

Boyd.

The insanely muscular violinist’s name is Boyd.

I was taking a group of kids from Salt Lake City up to camp one summer. If you’ve ever been to Twin Falls, Idaho, you know there’s a big canyon smack in the middle of the town. It’s actually really pretty. Idaho… go figure.

One of the boys piped up from the walkie-talkie in the other van, “Is that the Grand Canyon?”

I’d been up since 3:30 that morning. I replied, “{Kid’s Name}, do you pay ANY attention in school?”

Another traveling mercy – don’t basically call the kids of your youth group dumb. Parents don’t like it.

That when the kids FINALLY go to sleep, you won’t suddenly have to pee. (For anyone who doesn’t have kids, stopping wakes them up. Then it’s all over.)

11. That your ipod will turn up loud enough to drown out your parents reading the autobiography of the man that invented the Q-tip or something to that effect

12. that your sister will not shake her dr. pepper bottle before she gets in the car so it explodes all over the ceiling ten minutes into the trip

13. That your sister will not throw up, which will make you throw up.

14. That your car will not explode on its way up the mountain leaving you stranded and at the mercy of the “car experts” driving by that all feel the need to weigh in on your troubles

15. that you won’t get stuck next to the guy that hums too loud to his own personal soundtrack

Also, that you will see a Hawaii license plate so you can win the “license plates from all 50 states game”

Ah, traveling mercies. Journey mercies. This phrase was relatively new to me until 2 years ago. Then I started hearing it ALL the time. For me they would be:

1) That your dad, the mechanic, has actually finished all the ‘upgrades’ he’s been doing to the car, and that none of them break down on the way.

2) That your parents brought enough Adventures in Odyssey tapes to last the whole car ride (Jon, please, oh please do an Adventures in Odyssey post!! They are like, my biggest memory of childhood!).

3) That you make the ferry sailing you were aiming for (I live on Vancouver Island, and waiting in ferry line ups SUCKS!).

4) That said ferry is a new ferry, and not one of the crappy old ones.

5) That on said ferry’s car deck, you are not placed next to three giant trucks of chickens (grossest smell in the world!!!).

These ones are just from my childhood. Based on my latest roadtrip last month, I could add a whole bunch more…

Ok, based on the roadtrip my cousin and I took last month, here are the traveling mercies I now know to ask for:

1) That your car won’t experience a 1-in-a-million, “this-never-happens” breakdown.

2) That said breakdown won’t occur in a teeny, tiny small town that has only *two* car garages, and neither of them have the part that is needed because “this-never-happens.”

3) That you won’t stay in a crappy motel where you discover for the first time what “nicky, nicky nine doors” is.

4) That the town you’re staying in has more than 2 taxis, and that those taxis answer their phones when you call.

5) That you won’t waste 3 days in said town before they tell you that your car won’t be fixed for at least a week, and you should probably rent a car.

*sigh* Good times roadtripping through Alberta. Wish I had known which traveling mercies to pray for…

Tams – You and I can’t seriously have the same story…
“3) That religion, members of the opposite sex, and the parent’s college days, and poop will all be a topic of discussion eventually. If not rolled into one topic.”

I, unfortunately, can roll all those together and its not a pretty story.

For the rest: these are all the reasons that I travel alone and make sure to do all my preventative measures, as well as update my AAA membership. It’s just me and my iPod…cause let me tell you, doing a road-trip with my mother last year was just weird. She doesn’t like to listen to music and she likes to eat at McDonalds… me and fast food… ick (well Sonic doesn’t count as fast food if you only buy drinks!).

Traveling Mercies for the Youth Minister.

That your old church bus will not burst into flames. (Happened to us a couple of times)

That the “really husky” little 7th grader doesn’t spend all his food money on junk food before he even makes it to camp.

That the same 7th grader does not eat so much that he drops a load in his pants while on the bus. (This actually happened)

That you won’t hear “How much farther?”, “When do we eat?”, or “Do you smell smoke?” every five minutes while driving.

When your old church bus does break down (and it will happen), it breaks down within walking distance of a gas station or fast food place.

Getting all of the youth on the bus to spontaneously start singing their favorite Christian band songs together accapella.

Quick Trip Hotzis

6. “past”
9. “you’re”

(sorry)

- that you, as a staff member leading kids around a foreign country, won’t get your nose broken by a student because he didn’t see you behind him and threw his head back to laugh. (back of a head + bridge of your nose = many, many moments of pain…)
- that the driver of the van won’t take the wrong turn so that you end up on the top of a mountain, complete with snow, and then run out of gas on the way down, with everyone in the van praying for no on-coming traffic since it gets difficult to coast down the side of a mountain on a windy, snowy road while having to worry about traffic coming at you head-on.

i heart this blog, btw!!

(and i’m not anonymous, my name is Michael Anne)

If YOU’RE going to be a writer, you should know the difference between your (possessive) and you’re (contraction for “you are”). If it was just this post I’d ignore it, but it’s not the first time, and it looks awfully silly.

-That when in Florida with your in-laws they don't read EVERY SINGLE sign out loud.
-That they remember next time to rent a 6 passenger car… so that you dont have to sit hunched over on your husbands lap in the back seat for 2 hours..listening to them read every single sign out loud.

-That your little brother won't have the worst gas EVER, while sleeping the whole time, forcing your family to drive with all the minivan windows down for the entire 3 hours during the cold, cold winter.

-That your car won't break down on I-75 during rush hour on a Friday night and have to sit smashed up against the cement wall in flooding rain and the police give you and your young child a ride to your end destination, the Circus, meanwhile wondering how you will ever meet back up with your husband who is still with the car, without a cell phone.

-That every person in your family won't be carsick on an hours-long super-windy road such as the road to Hana in Hawaii, or the Cameron Highlands in Malaysia, and have to keep pulling over on the side of the road.

-That your mother won't puke on the airplane

-That your father won't be beat up by a Hell's Angel biker at a fast food restaurant in a strange town, when he accidentally ate the biker's onion rings.

-That you won't have a stabbing sinus pain that feels like an ice pick jabbing you above the eyebrow, forcing you to scream at the top of your lungs repeatedly, and knowing you have 20 hours and 3more legs of flight before arriving at your destination, during which time this pain continues off and on, scaring everyone around you.

-That you won't unpack your entire collection of travel games in the hotel because your Mom told you to, only to forget them accidentally upon leaving because you never unpack anything, never to see those games again, not to mention have a REALLY boring 8 hour drive home.

-That you won't get something very painful in your hard contact when you're at Disney World and, unable to remove the contact, have to walk around in pain and agony for hours, eventually wasting tons of time to go back to the hotel room, and finally return wearing old prescription glasses that you can hardly see in.

-That your 3 year old sister won't wander off at Disney World, becoming lost for about 5 really long minutes of panic.

-That the person behind you doesn't have such long legs that you can't recline the seat, for all 7 hours of flight.

-That your friend won't throw up on your sweatshirt on a long bus ride.

Actually, I always took Traveling Mercies to just mean "please, let us not have any wrecks and all make it through this trip in one piece"!!

And oh yeah, it also means "That your dad won't accidentally get on the interstate in a far-away state going the wrong direction, and not realize it for hours, until arriving in another state, and thus having that much farther to drive home in the middle of the night!

That you won't get the middle in the row of five seats on an international flight right smack in the middle of a family of four that is arguing (loudly) for 6.5 out of the 9 hour flight and ignoring each other the rest of the time and therefore they PREFER that you keep your seat in the dead center of their circus and won't even hear of switching.

That there will be a sign somewhere that reads “Xavier Queen’s Zany House of Antiques” thereby letting you get all of the tough letters in the alphabet game.

I'm an overseas missionary… so my traveling mercies are:

-That someone won't steal my passport, money, or most importantly carefully saved American chewing gum

-That the a/c on the airplane works

-that there is actually something in the way of a building where I land

- that I don't slip and drop my clothing on the floor of the eastern toilet

- that a bug doesn't fly up from the eastern toilet and bite me

- that I don't have to stop on the side of the road for a diarrhea break…. in the middle of the Sahara

- that I don't have to eat the local goat head

I'm vegan–and there is definitely vegan beef jerky. It's just made out of seitan instead of beef. I personally think it tastes just the same. And I will eat some on my next roadtrip.

While trying to get to camp from Florida to Alabama:
You don't have to pull over because your bus broke down, be given a new bus that smells like infant urine and then get another bus that smells like a dirty microwave. While this is happening we are visiting a nearby Emu Farm owned by a very wealthy doctor. Best trip of my life.

i love these. how about:

"That your ipod doesn't run out of juice and then your friends ipod too and then are stuck listening to terribad radio because car charger doesn't work"

Nowadays, the radio charges the ipod so this is no longer a question

My grandma prays for traveling mercies at the end of every single prayer we say, even if we already prayed for it and even if no one is going anywhere. Bless her heart.

Did anyone ever see the old youth show "Fire By Nite" with host Blaine Bartel? They did a funny skit where a family was about to leave on a trip and they prayed for traveling mercies. These two hillbillish people suddenly appeared in their backseat complete with banjos. The family said, "who are you?" and they replied, "we're the Traveling Mercies!" and began to play their instruments… It was very funny… oh well, guess you had to be there…