#171. Meticulously, Magnificently Making Multiple Messages Match (M)letters.
Apr 22nd by Jon
Most people don’t know this, but I have a rare communication disorder.
It’s called “Rappers Delight.”
Whenever I write, I am overwhelmed with an intense desire to make references to rappers from the 80s and 90s. You think I am joking, but please, just stop, collaborate and listen. Ugh, see, that was a lyric from a rap song. It was from a rapper, or bard really, named Vanilla Ice. And I can’t help myself. Even as I type I’m tempted to find a way to fit in the line, “I work, I get the job done,” from Big Daddy Kane. And once while I was working at Home Depot I tried to write an ad about countertops using LL Cool J lyrics. I’m being honest. The ad was about how granite was popular again but had never really been unpopular. So I wrote the headline, “Don’t call it a comeback.” But my boss was too smart and refused to print it.
Is there a cure? Yes, but it involves a lot of chamomile tea and Yanni’s album, “Live at the Acropolis.” But I’m not the only one with a problem. Some of you ministers out there need to break your addiction to alliteration.
It starts slowly, doesn’t it? In seminary you have to write a sermon for class at the last minute. Fueled by red bull, you sit down and scribble, “God is everywhere, eternal and enough.” You pause and look at the paper realizing, “Hey, all of those key words start with the letter E.” And now you’re hooked. You’ve had a taste of the big A and I fear alliteration won’t let you go without a fight. Soon you’ll be saying, husbands need to “Love, Lead and Listen” at home or that working for the Lord is about being, “Dedicated, Determined and Deliberate.”
I wish I had an easy solution for you. I wish we could do something like a gun exchange program. You could give me your alliterations and I could give you some rap lyrics:
You:
“I’m here to turnover a new community idea I had called, “Serve, Share, Save.’”
Me:
“Thank you. Please take the lyric, ‘I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I was I had a six four impala.’”
But it’s just not that simple. I’ll pray for you.
P.S.
I’m going to write a post about rhyming pastors too, girl you know it’s true, cause they ain’t few, Tom Hanks was in the movie, “The man with one red shoe.” Word.
Comments
Percentage vision statements that include include rhyme or alliteration ….
134%
I wish I had a girl on the side, I would call her…
I have the same rap affliction.
It really doesn’t get better than truly referencing pastors, and including “Word” as if to say .. “Amen” at the end of a post. I totally just rode the lollercopter. X-D
Today is unlike any other…My first and surely last day to begin with a Skee-lo reference. But why should that be? Peace to my homies, Lil’ Mookie, big Al, Lorraine. Hope to meet you in September. OKC out.
I attended a Christian College where the President was all about alliteration (sorry, it slipped…)
He’d invariably open up his founders day speech with “Thank you for that triumphant trumpet tune…” to the point where the faculty had some sort of informal betting pool on which letter it would be this year. So after the opening you could look at them up front, subtly looking up and down their rows to see which faculty member had guessed correctly… High comedy.
I totally agree. And most of the time when they do that I leave not really knowing what their point was. In their haste for alliteration they completely miss the point they’re trying to illustrate.
Hilarious. Well done.
Not to be a stickler for Skee-Lo lyrics, but you (and shannon) are going to need to get them right.
“I wish I was little bit taller,
I wish I was a baller,
I wish I had a girl who looked good
I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit
in a hat with a bat
and a six-foe Impala”
That’s like misquoting scripture. Sheesh.
jon, you are so funny. i almost laughed out loud in class many times while reading this. instead, i was making mouth and cheek and eye contortions to try and hold it in.
those sermon alliterations really chew on my nerves. it’s like, ‘does God and his magnificent holiness and the long road of learning to truly walk with him really boil down to three words that all start with the same letter?’ seems so cheeky.
I too suffer from old-school-rap-itis and also find myself curiosuly drawn to alliteration…
“Polish the pistol prepare for battle pass the pump…”
I’d have to get a thesaurus.
There is only one way to quit. You just have to stop. Hammer time…
Some pastors want the big church. Some evangelists want to reach the far corners of the globe.
Me? I can’t wait until the day I can work in a Rakim, Nas or Wu-Tang quote on a weekly basis.
At my church, it would fly over so many heads. But there will be one kid in the back who will give me the “what’s up” nod and I will “what’s up” nod him back.
Good times.
Earlier someone told me they had Bobby and Ricky in the car. I wanted to know about Ronnie and Mike. New Edition, ftw. sigh.
I’ve spent most of my life in black Baptist/Pentecostal/Baptecostal churches, so this is just the way I knew sermons to be, until attending more multicultural, nondenominational churches, especially during youth revivals.
If I had a love offering for every time some guest preacher on youth day told all of us that we needed to check ourselves before we wrickety wrecked ourselves, I could build a new church.
Joe, I’m certain I’ve heard a pastor use Nas’ Hate Me Now when talking about a subject that made people uncomfortable and Wu’s C.R.E.A.M. during a sermon on money, but I’m willing to be that my church experiences were a bit more colorful than many regular readers on this blog. LOL.
One of my best friends goes to a church that REGULARLY changes the words of secular songs and sings them during service. Me, I’m waiting for Lenny Kravitz to fully embrace his faith and re-record Fly Away and I Belong To You with Christian lyrics.
There’s power in three.
Ancient communication.
Yay! It’s not haiku.
Is there a cure?
Now IF there’s a cure for this
We don’t want it
We’ll run from it
And if there’s a remedy
We don’t need it
We’ll just EAT IT
Oh man – again, hilarious! And really, weren’t the 80s 90s rappers the best anyway?!?
I *JUST* had a conversation at church…like an hour ago…that went thusly:
“We’ll discuss the tenents of such-and-such, you know the “four-P’s” (cause we have to make it a power point) and then go on to the next such-and-such”
hahahah
Aint nothin but a g thang, baaaaabay!
God’s spirit in my life has got me craaaaazay!
JC is the homey that paaaaays me . . . .
Okay, I’ll stop now.
As a former youth pastor, I must admit I suffered from dropping rap lines and alliteration into my sermons. Right now I’m making a very difficult but conscious effort not to allow my illness to be laid for all to see.
You sir are a genius.
Wow, there is so much here I don’t even know where to start…
Ending with Word? absolutely beautiful, Jon. You are a master.
But I think my favorite line? “I’ll pray for you”, linked to #53. Okay, I kinda saw it coming, but it didn’t reduce the affect; I’m totally laughing so hard no sound is coming out. The kind of laughter where tears get squeezed out and people stare at you.
And props to your brilliant readers…
Ben Gillihan: “…Hammer Time.” Haven’t guffawed like that in a long time.
Joe: “the What Up nod” so true, but don’t be surprised to get an occasional nod from the cool mom in the room. Uh huh.
Devout Hypo: “Ronnie and Mike” wow, THAT’s ol school!
Anon: “wrickety wrecked” – ha ha I think I might be using that on Sunday if you don’t mind.
Ah, just the laughter I need……..
Oh and by the way, ours is “Gather, Grow, Give, Go”. Please be kind.
It’s hamma
go hamma
MC hamma
Yo hamma
And the rest can go and play
can’t touch this
beer neer neer neer
We have the “Five G’s” at our church….Grace, Gifts, Growth, Group and Giving. I like to add in the most important but often left out sixth “G” GUILT!!! That’s the main one I learned about growing up.
Loved the “wrickety wrecked” comment…hahahhahaha!!
The true mark of a quality sermon would be a pastor who successfully combines the two illnesses to create a superpowered memory aide.
I can only imagine what one could do with “wiggida wiggida wiggida whack”.
My dad, formerly a pastor and still a preacher, is maybe the undisputed master of alliteration. I’m pretty sure he used them in “lectures” (I lean more towards sermons) that he dealt my brothers and me. The cool/scary thing is, I think he remembers every alliterated sermon. I asked him a question about tongues just the other day and straight up I got three alliterated points! Another point to Jon for this one.
I love it! I am not sure who is cooler, you all for making such great references or me knowing them.
btw In my opinion the acrostic is a far bigger epedemic in the american church.
I got a card from a friend yesterday in which she shared with me about her church’s recent work day, “The Festival of the Four ‘F’s: Fun, Fellowship, Food and Fwork!
Fun–all the members of the Facillites team will tell their favorite jokes!
Fellowship–you’ll see people on Saturday you wouldn’t ordinarily see until Sunday!
Food–We’ll have a pizza for you all to look at.
Fwork–this one goes without explination.”
The fact that her church felt like the MADE UP WORD deserved the least explination is my favorite part.
So, yesterday there was an announcement at church about how they still need “players, prayers and payers” for an upcoming mission trip. I thought of this post…rhyming alliteration!…and had to try really hard not to laugh out loud during the service.
I’m the dork who actually still owns Yanni – Live at the Acropolis. Fo realz. It was good study music back in college.
Oh man…this blog just never gets old. This was so good…and I'm so glad you quoted that song at the end.
OH MY WORD. Yanni at the Acropolis. I listened to that without fail every single night of my childhood to fall asleep. don't ask me how that happened, but it was brilliant.
also, the secret handshake has a version of i wish (from "punk goes crunk" i believe) that could be considered close to crack because of the amount of time it spends being stuck in my head. it's also one of the songs that ALWAYS comes on in shuffle. WHY does that happen!?
HA!!!!
Ok I am going to look through all my sermons to see if i have done this
Ours is Relevant, Reverent, Relational, Reaching. Our pastor is also a school teacher and actually rewrote Ice Ice Baby to teach his kids about condensation, lol.
I know this comment is late (last one was 3 months ago), but I just found your blog 2 weeks ago. Love it!