#80. Fixing things with mo’ prayer or mo’ bible.
Mar 20th by Jon
When I was in elementary school, no matter what was wrong with you, if you went to the nurse, she was going to prescribe one remedy, a glass of warm water. Upset stomach? Have a glass of warm water. Skinned your knee? Have a glass of warm water. Someone stab a rainbow brite pencil in your back? Have a glass of warm water. I get that she was probably handcuffed by state regulations but because she always said the same thing no matter what your problem was, her advice felt useless. The same thing happens in Christianity all the time. When someone tells you an issue they’re facing and your knee-jerk reaction is to tell them to pray more or read the bible more you just offered someone a glass of warm water. It’s not that prayer or the bible might not be the answer. That’s not what I am saying, but when you hide behind an automatic, “have you been reading your bible or praying” response, you come off as fake. Or at the bare minimum uninterested. You become like that boss that tells you every project is “ASAP.” Eventually, if everything is ASAP then nothing is really ASAP.
(Special thanks to Alex for reminding me this mo’ prayer thing happens)
Comments
Sometimes I think that well meaning Christians have a tendency to offer up the usual platitudes when instead the words, “let me pray with you,” would be best. Sometimes reality bites. Compassion and listening are qualities and skills that are sorely lacking in communities who profess to be “followers” of Christ. Don’t tell me you love me, show me.
My troubled friend was angry that she was always the “go to” person with everyone else’s problems and no one ever listened to her troubles. I started to say, someday it will come back to you, and then i thought, It might not. I said keep doing what you’re doing, but maybe it wont come around to you. That just may be your cross to bear…no need to stop being the good friend even if you never get “paid back”. But ask for help, even Jesus asked Simon for help.
Just say, “Count it all joy!” no matter what the circumstances. And offer a serene smile.
Probably, you should just punch them instead! Oh, wait, no… that would’nt be helpful.
Acutally, I find that listening to the point of them having nothing left to say is more effective than 90% of what i want to spout out immediately… and people usually can come to what they know was right all along… and of course… actually praying with them, yes, that is good too.
I don’t like you tone… have you been reading your Bible?
My preferred response is usually: “Wow… that sucks..sorry… lemme buy you a beer…”
Guilty again.
I think I have read that women like you to just listen while guys want to provide an answer. Can’t tell you how many times I have had to stop myself in conversation with my wife and say “You’re not looking for a solution are you.”
What a lonely world we live in. i know i do it out of selfishness.
“Do to others as you would have them do to you”Luke 6:33(NIV)
I should follow the Bible more.
Yes, Ethan. Boys tend to always want to solve a problem when really we just need a guy to be there with us while we cry about it. Sometimes we want a solution though. But only sometimes.
Telling me I need to be doing things makes me feel guilty.
And I had a nurse in college that it was the running joke that she would always tell you it was a “virus”. I could come in there with a headache and she’d say “it’s a virus.”
I don’t know about the glass of warm water..the first thing my school nurse always did was take your temperature. You could have gone to her because you twisted your ankle, and she took your temperature before anything else. Then she told you to lie down for 20 minutes and then go back to class.
Love this too!! Love the brutal honesty. Its awesome.
Yes this is so absolutely true. And I have identified with the job analogy in the past too. Everything cannot be ASAP. I think this gets back to us being real with each other and bearing each others burdens. We want to hear whats going on in a fellow Christians life but if its hard, many of us usually don't even consider what we could do to help our brother or sister in Christ. We just give them the mo' prayer blow off.
This is why I love the verse, "Laugh with those who are laughing, weep with those who are weeping." A Francisican friar told me one time that even though we can't always identify with what someone is going through precisely, we can identify with the feelings they are experiencing, for example, he said he's never struggled with homosexuality, but he knows what it's like to feel ostracized and lonely. So calling your own experiences to mind helps. And also lots of patience.
My boyfriend went missing for a couple of weeks last year. He was found, but we broke up less than two weeks after he returned. One of my friends told me maybe I needed "to use this time to get closer to God".
I don't think she had any idea just how frequently my friends, family, and I had prayed to God for his safe return. I think even strangers who were friends of friends were praying. And the prayers did get answered.
I already go to church and read my Bible and pray. There was plenty of extra closeness and prayer during that time he was missing. That said, it hurt hearing somebody telling me I needed to get closer. I know she meant well, but I feel like my relationship with God is something very personal. Now I find it difficult to talk with her at all, because of this. I've begun to notice that she only wants to listen so she can get preachy. It weighs me down more than it lifts me up. When I'm hurting, I just need to vent, and not be judged. Chances are, I've already prayed about it.
I always get the "maybe you should read this or that Christian book". Also, I agree with the last paragraph of Other Kim. My friend Karin and I refer to answers like this as "pat answers". So easy for other people to judge when they themselves may not be experiencing a situation like ours…it's always assumed that we haven't prayed or we haven't drawn close to God.