#21. Saying "I thought marriage would change things."
Jan 21st by Jon
This one might be universal but what can I say, I’m focusing on Christians here. This is probably the second most common sentence I hear when a Christian guy gives me his testimony. It’s usually a pretty easy thing to figure out: There’s some unspoken issue between a man and a woman, instead of working it out before they get married they silently and secretly hope it will magically be fixed by marriage. But here’s the thing, marriage doesn’t tend to fix things, if anything it tends to amplify them. And before you know it, something that was relatively small and could have been hammered out in pre-marital counseling grows bigger and steals the first few years of a happy marriage. Lesson, don’t go into marriage with baggage.
Why create “Stuff Christians Like?”
Comments
This is so very true and should be part of every pre-marital counseling. Another perhaps even more important assumption to avoid is, “having a baby will fix ____.”
I totally get what you are saying here. So many people are forcing relationships because they are “comfortable” in them and they don’t want the uncertainty of a new relationship. They think that when they get married all of the problems will disappear. NEWSFLASH:
if you need counseling before you get married, you probably shouldn’t even be dating! I highly attribute this to the rise of divore rates in the world.
Are you serious?
Maybe you should read #39.
Can you find me even one person who is absolutely baggage free before they get married?
Both my husband and I have issues that date back to our teenage years or earlier. We have an amazing marriage, and actively support each other as we work through our personal crap.
That said, finding a quality Christian counsellor is the bomb. There are a lot of rubbish ones out there, but the smart, empathetic and intuitive ones are pure gold.
Its such a shame the state of marriages today in general. Here are my thoughts on marriage. Hope it helps someone.
AMEN.
And can I just say, this is why pre-marital boot-camp-like counseling is KEY. Get those issues out and start tackling them. Whenever someone says something like that “I though marriage would fix it” I wonder “what pastor/community let these young fools take that baggage in with them without intervening first?”
Not sure I agree with the whole idea of not going in to marriage with baggage. While God is ready and willing to breathe life into all the dead places of your world at any time, I can’t imagine a better venue to find real, deep healing than marriage – it’s just that it should be seen as a gift, not an expectation.
Jason -
I don’t think completely being baggage free is possible. I think baggage or sin, is not something we ever completely shake on this side of death. I do however think that people abuse your idea, that is “God will breathe into this issue.” In my life, I have seen way more marriages hurt by guys that say “God will deal with this in his time” vs. “I hurt my marriage by doing too much work on my baggage.”
Jon
Okay.. I know this is a super old post, but while I’m quite sure we do this, but not quite sure we “like” this. Just being technical I guess, but you know what I am saying. Of course, this blog is about the ironic and fairly universal things Christians do more than it is about things they like. At any rate, Christians will often get blinders going into marriage because of the umm… you know, but don’t really consider all of the other elements. Also, I think there is still a mentality amongst Christians that you are almost immune to divorce or a “bad marriage”
AMEN preach it brother.